Booze Review: Parrotdog Birdseye

Posted 4:19pm Saturday 7th September 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Parrotdog is patriotic. It’s New Zealand owned and made, and nothing screams New Zealand more than nationwide pride in birds and an economy so dire you’ll have to sell a kidney to afford a box. There wasn’t a price listed on these bad boys, and with there only being three boxes on Read more...

Booze Reviews: Lemon Ice Grog!

Posted 6:57pm Sunday 25th August 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Grog! is the Australian version of Prime, and that means two things: one, like anything truly Australian, an obscene amount of alcohol is needed; and two, this drink has reached Hyoketsu levels of shameless breatha-targeted marketing. The pretty colours are perfect for an audience who hasn’t Read more...

Booze Review: Kingfisher Strong

Posted 4:46pm Saturday 17th August 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Kingfisher Strong, unlike the kōtare, is an allegedly exotic and foreign beer. Yes, it may be foreign, but this beverage tends to be about as exciting as that one wounder at a party showing you his Year 12 1st XV highlights on Hudl whilst unironically calling them his ‘glory Read more...

Booze Review: Mac’s Apparition

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 28th July 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

The Mac’s line of beers can aptly be described as fake craft beer. Like weed, Mac’s beers are a gateway to the expensive, harder shit. Before you know it, this drop will have any soon-to-be graduate breatha loudly expressing their political views over a pint and reflecting on their glory Read more...

The 23rd Annual Critic Fish & Chip Review

Posted 6:11pm Saturday 13th July 2024 by Hugh Askerud

Winter has come, and the fish and chip gods demand justice! If fish and chips are a summer food, then why do they have all the key components of a hearty winter feed? Potatoes, grease, convenience, shame. Perfect for cold days, or cold journalists in dire need of their yearly sacrifice – this Read more...

Booze Review: Steinlager Classic

Posted 6:01pm Saturday 13th July 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

It’s been argued that Steinlager is New Zealand's beer. It's what defines us as Kiwis compared to the god awful beers that Australia produces. Steinlager is like Speights' older cousin who lives in Auckland; a bit more classy, but punishing whenever they speak. After tasting, we Read more...

Booze Reviews: Coruba Raspberry, Grapefruit & Soda

Posted 10:02pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Chunny Bill Swilliams

Coruba is meant to be tall, dark and handsome; a drink to remind you of the tropics, or of anywhere you can reliably hang your washing outside to dry. Coruba Raspberry, Grapefruit & Soda is anything but that. The drink is, in fact, short, white and strange. It’s like that one mate that Read more...

The Great Critic Drug Review

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Boba Ket

Disclaimer: The content provided in this article is not intended to encourage the use of illegal drugs or substance abuse. The information is based on personal experiences and subjective observations that are not applicable to everyone, and should not be used as a substitute for professional Read more...

Dancing in the Rain: Baseline Reviewed

Posted 9:54pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Iris Hehir

It’s important to Critic Te Ārohi that our reviews are authentic. To review hall food, we needed to assume the identities of freshers. And to review Baseline, we also had to assume the appropriate state of a festival-goer: dressed a lil’ slutty and with enough vodka Red Bulls in our Read more...

The Great Critic Hall Food Review

Posted 2:49pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Critic

If you’re a first-year and noticed a baggy-eyed older student in your dining hall recently, chances are it was an undercover Critic Te Ārohi staff member nicking your food to review. Some would call it subterfuge, but we prefer the term “auditing”. Read on to see how your hall Read more...