Aquarius
Uranus is in retrograde, so throw all your material possessions into the nearest body of water and sit in the corner of your room like Gollum. This is the best way for an Aquarius to connect with their inner child to heal the trauma of losing your MP3 player on Boxing Day 2006.
Book adaptation to watch: A Good Girl's Guide to Murder
Pisces
Allowing your mind to wander this week will be dangerous. You must stay 100% focused on the present otherwise you will get stuck in a loop, thinking you got up to use the toilet but really you are peeing on the flat couch.
Book adaptation to watch: Game of Thrones
Aries
This week the energiser bunny persona you have had will rub a lot of people the wrong way. Drink some tea, pop a few magnesium and chill the fuck out. Everyone around you will be glad and you will realise that not every silence is awkward and needs to be filled.
Book adaptation to watch: Lessons in Chemistry
Taurus
The Pisces full moon activates your 11th house of friendships and community. This is an ideal time to connect with like-minded individuals and pursue group activities that align with your values. In other words, start a nudist cult that grows turnips and puts their children in cloth nappies.
Book adaptation to watch: The Jack Reacher series
Gemini
A gold star week is on the way for you. Everyone around you will bow down and recognise the effort you put in to go above and beyond. Keep up the good mahi and you will be rewarded greatly.
Book adaptation to watch: Gone Girl
Cancer
Now is a great time to get out of North Dunedin and explore a suburb you have never been to. There you will meet a parrot who wants to know your deepest darkest secret. Don't tell him though – he works for the bourgeoisie.
Book adaptation to watch: Dune
Leo
There will be a lump in your throat and tears in your eyes all week. A solution to all your problems is writing a letter expressing all your emotions and what is on your mind, folding it up really small, putting it in a cone piece, topping it off with some kief, and smoking that shit.
Book adaptation to watch: Lord of the Rings
Virgo
It is time to stop holding grudges and start just having it out with people. Whether physical fighting or just getting a bit cheeky, the relief of not having to remember who is an op will bring you a clarity you have never experienced.
Book adaptation to watch: Rosemary’s Baby
Libra
It's time to take the motto “health is wealth” and make it a reality. You will have so much more money if you stop drinking two boxes a week and start packing your lunch. Really, how hard is it to chuck a sandwich together and put an apple in your bag?
Book adaptation to watch: Little Women
Scorpio
Stop by a craft store this week and get artsy. Your lounge is looking a bit drab and could use some new decor. Whether you're paper-macheing a life-sized horse or painting portraits of your flatmates, you will be blessed with some stress relief and something new to tell your grandparents about when they call.
Book adaptation to watch: The Color Purple
Sagittarius
This week you will get the opportunity to go do something you have been curiously afraid of. If you don't face your fears, you will never meet the love of your life. How's that for motivation?
Book to screen adaptation to watch: The Chronicles of Narnia
Capricorn
Take a deep breath and open your third eye. You may feel like you know everything already but trust: you don't. This week you will notice things you haven’t seen before and this will help you realize you still have a lot of learning to do.
Book to screen adaptation to watch: Daisy Jones and the Six