Student life isn’t always easy. For OUSA Mental Health and Well-being Week, Student Support answers your questions with advice on everything from how to deal with loneliness to giving a woman an orgasm.
You can find OUSA Student Support at 262 Leith Walk behind the purple door for additional support – whether it’s related to well-being, academia, tenancy, queer issues, finances, or just life in general.
Q: I have severe social anxiety and struggle to get involved in groups/events. What are some tips to overcome this issue? I really want to get involved but my anxiety gets the best of me too often!
This can be a really tough experience, but it's great that you are looking into some ways to overcome the anxiety and get involved in some groups. Going to an event or group with someone who you feel comfortable with can help with anxiety levels and accountability. This can also be a great reason to engage with a Peer Supporter from Student Support who could go with you to events or groups you are interested in. The Rec programme at Clubs and Socs could also be a great place to start. It’s activity based and actively doing something can make socialising a bit easier. Being with like-minded people who enjoy that activity as well is a great common ground. There are strategies that can help with anxiety, too, like visualisation and grounding that one of the Student Support or Student Health team can help you out with.
Q: Can you please describe different options for people to get professional help?
There are a range of mental health services in the Dunedin area that you can research and compare with a Google Search. We know healthcare can be expensive (especially as a student) so here are a few more affordable options in the Dunedin area; Student Health (Brief Intervention Service – $10 per session), Puāwaitanga (Brief Intervention Service via video call or phone call – free for university students), the Kōwhai Centre (student counsellors supporting individuals with mild to moderate nature of cases – free), Gumboot Friday (this fund covers two sessions with counsellors from the Gumboot Friday database).
Q: How do you give a woman an orgasm?
We reached out to somatic sexologist Morgan Penn (co-host of the popular iHeartRadio show Sex.Life) to answer this question:
Firstly, it's important to note that every woman’s body is unique, and achieving orgasm varies from person to person. However, here are some key points:
Communication: Ask her if she knows what she likes and if she has any desires. Open dialogue fosters trust and creates an environment where she feels comfortable. Keep checking in throughout. A couple of useful questions to guide your touch can be: “Would you like faster, slower or the same?” “Harder, softer or the same?"
Foreplay: Engage in a long and yummy session of foreplay, focusing on activating the whole body – including the erogenous zones. Clitoral stimulation is key here as it is the most sensitive area for many women and vulva-owners.
Pace and Variety: Don’t rush. In fact, going slow is really important here. Explore different sensations, rhythms, and pressure to discover what feels best for her. When pleasure seems to be building, keep going with the same rhythm and speed.
Focus on Pleasure, Not Pressure: Orgasm can be just one part of a pleasurable experience, so enjoy the process without aiming solely on the big bang! Have fun!
Q: How do I regain my motivation to study for exams after too many assignments and stress?
Second semester can be a really difficult time. We know what it is like to feel overwhelmed and burnt out as it gets closer to the end of the year! Self-care is crucial. It is really important to look after yourself and prioritise your health and wellbeing if you wish to build your motivation and focus for study back up.
Breaks need to be scheduled into your day alongside study. Breaks should include things like movement, connecting with others, sleeping, and eating. It may feel like you are wasting time, but breaks allow you to look after yourself and rest your brain between study blocks. The Pomodoro Method is a study strategy you could try out to ease back into the study flow with scheduled breaks. We also have study planners available on our website (www.ousasupporthub.org.nz) that are free to download. Additionally, the Student Support team can support you to create a study timetable.
Try and make study work to your strengths and personal learning style – flash cards, mind maps, group study, games, use of colour and illustrations are some examples. If you don't know what your strengths are, then come and see us and we can explore these together! The University Student Learning and Development Centre also offers free academic support, including essay writing and unpacking assignment questions.
Q: How to deal with loneliness when all your friends are busy/working/in relationships?
Reaching outside of your regular social group can be a bit of a scary challenge! There are many opportunities to be social in the university community, for example the recreation programme at OUSA Clubs and Socs and social sports at UniPol. The wider Dunedin community also has these opportunities – have a look at night classes available to hone your skills or learn a new one.
Being by yourself and alone is okay, too! This can take practice though. You may feel a bit uncomfortable to begin with. Embrace this time alone to learn how to be with yourself. Learn what makes you tick by exploring the endless podcast genres, audiobooks, or raw dog it in nature and go for a walk with no headphones. A challenge for you: write down three activities you would like to do on your own and try to cross one off the list by the end of the week!
Q: Feeling a little lonely even when surrounded by friends
There can be lots of reasons we feel disconnected from others around us, whether we are growing apart from current friends or developing different interests. Connecting with others on a deeper level can also bring up feelings of vulnerability. It’s important to identify where the source of disconnection is stemming from. Feel free to come in and see us at Student Support if you want to chat about this more. You can take inspiration from some of the tips on dealing with loneliness outlined in question 5, and how to make new friends and get involved in social events in question 1 and 7.
Q: Making new friends is hard!!! Also motivation
It is important to acknowledge that making friends is hard, especially when coming to university in a new city. We live in a time now where there are endless options to connect with others, especially with technology and social media, but we tend to feel more disconnected from each other and ourselves. When this happens, make a conscious choice to disconnect from technology and take time to form genuine connections with other people. Making friends is not always easy, especially if you have anxiety around this sort of thing. The key to making friends is practice. Think of places where you can meet others and challenge yourself to strike up a conversation with someone. You may not always hit it off with everyone, but it is a great way to work on being social and out there. Another way to get yourself out there is to join a club or group (and there is a variety at OUSA Clubs and Societies!), or through volunteering, such as Are You OK? or Social Impact Studio/Unicrew.
As a student, being motivated can feel like a dream sometimes. We get it; juggling lectures and assignments and showing up to do the mahi is one thing, and on top of that, you still have to look after yourself! Whenever you feel unmotivated or overwhelmed, self-care is the most important thing. Regular breaks are important as well as keeping yourself fed and hydrated. It can be hard, especially if you have a little voice in your head that reminds you of all the things you have left to do. When this happens, it may be useful to have some techniques to balance self-care and study. An example of this is the Pomodoro Technique, where you study for a set amount of time and then have a short break, and rinse and repeat. Another example is breaking your big tasks up into small, achievable chunks so that they feel more manageable. Take a breather and remember: it’s a marathon, not a sprint!
Q: I'm really worried that I am going to be sick during the exam period – what can I do if this happens?
The University has a process in place for exactly these situations. You can apply for special consideration if you are sick or unable to take the exam for another reason. Try to get to the doctor or speak to a nurse at Student Health when you are unwell. There are deadlines that are important to this process, so get on to it asap. Please come chat to us at Student Support if you need some additional help with this. We do however always encourage students to go to exams if you are physically able – just in case you don’t meet the criteria to be granted special consideration.
Q: I’m having a really hard time in my flat and my flatmates aren't talking to me – what do I do?
Relationship breakdowns are pretty common in flats and we work with a lot of students who find themselves in the same situation, so don't feel alone. Reach out to others in your circle – family, friends from home, classmates – to stay connected, even if those people aren’t with you in Dunedin. Always feel free to come to chat to us about healthy ways to communicate with flatmates and some options you may have in a situation like this.
Q: I’m queer and my parents don’t know. I’m worried about going home for the summer.
This is a really difficult situation and there are many ways you might choose to respond. We have a few recommendations, and we encourage you to choose approaches that will ensure that your safety and boundaries are able to be maintained while you’re staying at home.
Firstly, try and stay connected with friends over summer, both in person and from a distance if you’re all scattered around New Zealand. If you feel comfortable doing so, let some friends know that you’re worried about going home in advance so that they can check in with you over the summer. Secondly, look up if there’s any queer social or support groups in the area you’re heading home to. There are often very welcoming groups, even in smaller places, and attending these groups can mean you can access support in person over the summer break if you need to.
Thirdly, try to identify a safe place in your hometown where you can have a breather if you need some time to yourself – this could be a cafe, park, or somewhere else you feel comfortable.
And finally, feel free to drop into Student Support before you leave for summer to have a chat to the Queer Focused Advocate here. We can help create a self-care plan for you to use over summer and can talk through any questions and worries you have.
Where to get help:
Need to Talk? Free call or text 1737 any time to speak to a trained counsellor, for any reason.
Lifeline: 0800 543 354 or text HELP to 4357
Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 / 0508 TAUTOKO (24/7). This is a service for people who may be thinking about suicide, or those who are concerned about family or friends.
Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 (24/7) or text 4202
Youthline: 0800 376 633 (24/7) or free text 234 or email talk@youthline.co.nz
Asian Family Services: 0800 862 342 Monday to Friday 9am to 8pm or text 832 Monday to Friday 9am - 5pm. Languages spoken: Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, Hindi, Gujarati, Marathi and English.
Healthline: 0800 611 116
OUTLine: 0800 688 5463 (6pm-9pm)
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.