EDITORIAL:
Kids these days are complicated. What with all their tech gadgets and their Fork Knife game and their liberal views, it can be hard to really connect with them. They spend all their time surfing the interwebs, so the number one way to get ‘In Yo Face’ is through their cellular phone devices. Here’re some tips on connecting with the youths via the online:
1. Everyone is on Twitter.
Everyone knows Twitter is your number one way of reaching the kids. All the kids are on Twitter, especially in New Zealand. They can’t get enough of it. If you want to reach a wide audience, make this your number one focus. Obviously there are a couple of people that use Facebook, so “post” there occasionally, but try to tweet at least 20 times a day.
2. Fucktons of emojis.
The youths don’t understand letters or words. They only understand yellow cartoon faces and silly pictures. That’s why The Emoji Movie was so wildly popular. If you really want to speak their language and be authentic, fill your post to the brim with emojis.
3. Be relatable and interesting (through emojis).
Are your posts boring because they’re about scientists doing boring science stuff or other things no one cares about? That’s OK, as long as you end the post with 5-10 random emojis, it still counts as being fun. For example, in this week’s “post” about Otago researchers helping the NZ defense force to identify the bodies of soldiers killed overseas – we opted for the coffin emoji, the urn emoji, the magnifying glass emoji, two police offer emojis and a clapping emoji. That’s the classy and respectful way to shitpost about dead people.
4. Give all your posts extremely long captions
When scrolling through their bookface feeds, kids love to chill out and slow down by reading extremely long, uninteresting posts from academic institutions. Take about 100-150 words to ramble on about bullshit. They will definitely still read it and not just skip on to me-mes.
5. Tell them to click the links
If you want people to click through and read the whole story, definitely don’t just post a link to it like a normal person. The children might get confused and not know what to do with it. Make sure to completely spell it out to them, with something like “Want to know more? Click this link:”. Otherwise they won’t know to click the link. Speaking of links, check out askotago.com for all your course advice needs.