An OUSA-affiliated club is in conversations with the Proctor this week after removing roadside political hoardings while driving an OUSA-marked van. A Lawrentian man called the police on the club, and they stopped the van outside Roxburgh to recover the signs from the students.
The students in question were seen “collecting” National and NZ First hoardings while dressed as (among other things) a priest, Steve Irwin, and a gaggle of lobsters. As far as Critic knows, this particular cast of characters has never before been accused of such a brazen attack on democracy.
The aforementioned Steve Irwin claimed that one disgruntled Lawrentian had threatened the group of students. “The guy said that he’d called the police, but if it were up to him, he would’ve brought out his shotgun and shot us all himself. So who’s really the bad guy here?”
“Honestly, I didn’t even know we’d stolen a banner until the police pulled us over. Then I noticed it had been taped to the ceiling the whole time. I thought Winnie P just came with the van,” said a student who was having fun in the backseat.
“Does this mean we don’t get club of the year?” wondered another student.
One young politically conscious Kiwi offered an explanation for the club's actions. “We just figured that NZ First maybe needed more representation in the Wanaka area, and we’re trying to be more involved as student voters, that’s all. Did you know that half of young Kiwis aren’t registered to vote?”
According to a police spokesperson, no charges have been laid against the club. OUSA recreation manager Michaela Tangimetua said that OUSA “does not condone this behavior” and has since taken away the club’s van usage privileges.
The club’s president said that the “relocation” of political signs while in OUSA-branded vehicles “was a dumb idea” and didn’t mean to reflect poorly on the student association. “It wasn’t a targeted political attack, either. It wasn’t meant to offend anyone. I apologize to OUSA, the Central Otago police and the political parties in question, but not the guy that threatened to shoot us. Fuck that guy.”
Proceedings with police and the Proctor will continue to unfold over the next week. Political signs across the country breathe a sigh of relief.