Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

Aquarius, you should be proud of the progress you have made this year. Your journey of inner peace and comfort has been a great success, and you should give yourself a pat on the back for this. 

Crime to investigate: Which flatmate stole your cheese? 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Don’t let your terrible experiences from past relationships affect the ones you have now. It’s time to work on your trust issues, and have a little faith in others. You are too young to be this cynical. 

Crime to investigate: Pizzagate. 

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

Karma's a bitch. Too bad you’re experiencing it after being so goddamn aggravating all year. Maybe it’s time to reflect on why you have so many issues with those around you. 

Crime to investigate: Did O.J. Simpson do it?

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

It’s time to stop lying to yourself and front up on the issues you’re experiencing in relationships. You can’t keep a smile on your face forever. It’s time to confront and address those problems, baby! 

Crime to investigate: The Zodiac Killer. 

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

Keep being the slayest of slays, Geminis. You are slaying so hard, it’s impossible to keep up. Slay the day, slay the week, slay the haters. 

Crime to investigate: January 6th Committee. 

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Life is busy, and Uni is stressful. Make sure you are setting some time aside for yourself and the other special people in your life every week. It’s important to maintain your friendships and make the most of it. 

Crime to investigate: The Bain Family Murders. 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

You’ve been going through a period of being rather unhinged and tumultuous, at the expense of your own emotional well-being. Check in with yourself, and make sure you aren’t taking things too far. 

Crime to investigate: Lee Vandervis and his parking ticket. 

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Virgo, this Pisces full moon has been putting you through it. You will be having many awakenings and realisations over the coming weeks. Don’t let any rose-coloured glasses distort your vision. 

Crime to investigate: Shakira’s tax fraud. 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

You’ve been taking shit from absolutely no one recently. You know your worth and aren’t doing anything out of obligation. Keep this attitude up, and good things will come your way. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. 

Crime to investigate: JFK Assination. 

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

Everyone likes a good time, but sometimes your definition of a good time is actually just straight up alcoholism. Try working on this, and perhaps it's time to build on some better habits. 

Crime to investigate: The price increase of $2 pies at Campus Shop. 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

You tend to heavily rely on others for support and guidance. While it’s great that you trust your friends so much, it's important to learn how to deal with your own shit. Try being a little more introspective. 

Crime to investigate: Shrek the Sheep.

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Hate to say it, but sometimes you can be a raging asshole. You gotta watch how you speak to others and stay in your own fucking lane. 

Crime to investigate: The Lewinsky Scandal.