Columns

1. You’re on campus and need a caffeine hit. Where are you getting it from?
   1. Cafe Albany
   2. I stopped in at my favourite coffee spot on the way in
   3. Can of Boss coffee from campus shop
   4. No matter where I am, I’ll be trekking it to Bagelo’s

2. How is your course of study looking right now?
   1. I initially came to Uni studying something else, but with some time I discovered and switched to what I was most passionate about
   2. In postgrad, or seriously contemplating a postgrad in an extremely niche subject that requires at least twenty seconds dead air to explain
   3. Honestly, I’m trying to ignore it
   4. I’ve switched my major three times now. Two of these times were in the same semester

3. What accessory is going to tie together your entire outfit?
   1. A functional bag that also fits the aesthetic
   2. Some handmade goodie, perhaps a crocheted hat I picked up at a Radio One market day
   3. Speed dealers
   4. It can’t be just one. My sunnies, earrings and socks are all coordinated. But I am definitely not bringing a bag. That would drag down the entire fit.

4. You’re hosting a party, what’s the theme?
   1. Double denim
   2. A party where everyone has to come dressed as a celebrity who shares their star sign
   3. Hawaiian shirt party
   4. ABC: Anything But Clothes party!

5. What’s your drinking vessel of choice?
   1. A wine glass. It’s fun, even if you’re not drinking wine
   2. A martini glass. This is a martini glass right?
   3. Straight out the bottle or can
   4. I have a favourite novelty cup that I, without fail, always use for pres

6. It’s a Saturday night, where you headed?
   1. The Octagon, of course
   2. A gig at The Crown, followed by some cocktails at a sit-down bar
   3. We’re headed out to Hyde, after a good day drink starting at 1pm sharp
   4. I’ve got invites to three different themed flat parties AND a red card. And I’m fully gonna make it to them all

7. What text are you most likely to have sent in the middle of the night?
   1. Text me when you get home safe xx
   2. Sorry, I’m at afters with the band!
   3. sup2
   4. WHERE DID YOU GUYS GO?

8. Oh no! You’ve just remembered you have an assignment due tomorrow. How are you coping?
   1. I’m headed straight to the library to smash it out before close
   2. I’m chucking on my go-to lo-fi ambient playlist to get in the right zone to get through it
   3. I’m drunk-writing it
   4. Oh God. I’m going to be pulling an all-nighter, aren’t I?

A. Mi Goreng Blue

If no one’s got you, you know that Mi Goreng Blue’s got you. You’re a fan favourite, as evidenced by the empty shelves at New World City Centre in O-Week. Loved by all, you’re supportive and always around for a good yarn. Sure, people might say you’re a little basic, but you’re an obvious choice in providing solid vibes. Keep being wholesome you, Mi Goreng Blue!

B. Shin Ramyun

If you know, you know. Fiery and passionate, and probably a fire sign, you are the Shin Ramyun noodle. You’re a bit edgy, with your own personal flair, but not everyone can handle your spice. At best you’ve got an intimidating vibe, and at worst people avoid you and call you pretentious. Be sure to remind yourself that we’re all instant noodles after all, so, even if your tastes differ, there’s still so much that you share with others.

C. Maggi Chicken

Oh no. OH NO. You’re the days-old noodle bowl on the floor, beside your mattress on the floor. Maggi Chicken noodle is the noodle most likely to be found in a terrifying  mouldy flat. Still, you’re a classic, reminding us all of our childhood: *cough cough* immature. Sure, you’re a little salty about a lot of things, particularly the ever-rising price of a box of piss. But at the end of the day, when times get tough, you come in clutch. Maggi noodle, we talk a lot of shit, but you are essential to our pantry of Dunedin.

D. Uber Eats

Sure, you’re instant, if you think that instant noodles constitute a 40 minute wait. An impulsive individual, it seems that chaos follows you wherever you go. In reality, deep down, you know that you’re the chaos. Your personal mantra is “no regrets” and although on a Sunday night you’re stewing in those self-imposed silly decisions, by the time next week comes, you’re already reminiscing on the tasteful flavours of your life.