I’m sure a lot of Dunedin’s Sapphics can relate. The situation here is fucking dire. The streets of Dunners appear to be void of any queer woman, as do the confessions here. So, I thought I’d contribute a story of my own for your lady-on-lady reading pleasure.
Let me set the scene: Auckland, the summer break between my second and third year. I had come up to spend New Year’s with a uni mate and, low and behold, I was introduced to her best friend from high school. I had previously been informed that this friend was bisexual and upon meeting, the sexy sapphic sparks flew (the power of a Hallensteins button-up). One thing led to another and I was invited back to her place. After spending $45 on an Uber to traverse the suburbs of Auckland (my equivalent of that one lesbian that sailed from Russia to Canada) we arrived. Standing in her driveway I am informed of two things: one, she has never been with a girl before and two, we can’t go inside her house because her mum is a light sleeper. She then points to where our tryst must take place; HER orange Nissan Cube. Less than ideal and slightly reminiscent of my Nana (also less than ideal).
Queers, let me tell you, despite the cir(cum)stances, I was not going to let the side down. As a proud service top, I was going to make this work. Clambering into the back seats I put Hayley Kiyoko on shuffle and represented our side well. A couple of hours go by, and the Cube was looking like it belonged on the Titanic’s lower decks just before it sank (ironic considering the diving that had just taken place). After being informed that I was better than any man (is the Pope Catholic?), I bid my lady lover adieu and swaggered off into the night, catching ANOTHER $45 Uber home.
I have to say, despite appearances, the Cube was a fantastic car to fuck in. It was the automotive equivalent of that quiet person in class that’s actually a freak. A sexy TARDIS it was roomy enough on the inside to fully explore the limits of car sex, whilst appearing virginal on the outside. Cannot recommend them enough. Move over Subaru, the Nissan Cube reigns supreme in this Sapphic’s mind.