Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. The Debating Society welcomes new members and meets at the Business School every Tuesday at 6pm.
For: Abby Bowmar
You enjoyed being single in first-year, when you were freshly eighteen and heating was free. But now it’s winter, you’re living in a shithole, and your biological clock is ticking. Every night, the end of your hour of free power plunges you into an icy abyss of isolation. One day you lament your loneliness to your flatmate. They tell you they relate. An awkward silence ensues.
They’re cute, and you could do a lot worse. You don’t have the nerve to approach someone in Central, or the facecard to make it on the apps. The Critic Bachelor this year is way out of your league. Your parents are wondering why their kid can’t pull, and you can only join so many run clubs before you have to accept that a half-marathon won’t replace the warm hands of someone who tolerates your anxious attachment style.
The solution is right across the hallway, if you could only unshackle yourself from the taboo of flat-cest. You don’t have to ask them what they’re studying or where they’re from because you already know. You watch them unload the dishwasher – it gives you butterflies. They own an electric blanket and you start to believe that you might be able to love again. The forbidden fruit is the sweetest, and hooking up with your flatmate is pretty good chat.
Alternatively, you could never make a move. Laugh it off and make a vow against flat-cest. Spend the rest of the year running into each other in dark hallways and awkwardly sidestepping each other in the kitchen. Fall in love in silence, and graduate with regrets and wondering what might have been.
Against: Deborah Huang
Before you ask yourself whether you should date your flatmate, maybe ask yourself whether you even like them or not. They’re hot, but you’ve also probably spent more time with them in the past few months than at all your lectures combined. It’s easy to mistake proximity for passion. Are you sure you’re not gaslighting yourself into believing that you could look past their habit of sticking their hair on the shower wall?
It’s really hard to tell when someone reciprocates your feelings, let alone someone who is basically contractually obliged to spend time with you. If you work up the courage to confess only to find out that they don’t feel the same way, you’re going to have to live with it – quite literally – for the rest of the year. At best, it’s awkward every time you pass each other in the hallway. At worst, you’ve made someone feel uncomfortable in their own home.
But let’s say everything goes well and you start dating; you’ve now turned all your flatmates into inadvertent third-wheels who are probably too embarrassed to tell the two of you to be quiet. Either that, or they’re WAY too enthusiastic about it. Regardless, it’s a great way of ensuring you won’t be invited to re-sign with them.
Plus, you’re skipping the honeymoon period. At least when dating someone you don’t live with, they can pretend for the first few weeks that they floss every night. Beginning a relationship by spending all your time together and having no personal space is a recipe for disaster. Inevitably you’re going to crash and burn, and take down the whole flat with you. My advice? Don’t shit where you eat.