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Top 5 Reasons Why American Football Is Much, Much Better Than Rugby


Jock Phillips, a New Zealand, historian wrote that rugby was played by colonial New Zealand men for the intimacy of physical touch that their lonely lives lacked. That’s a bit awkward for the rugby boys – I’m pretty sure he just called you all homos. He must know more than you, too – his fucking name is Jock!
 
5. The Athletes are Better: Rugby jocks seem to have the impression that rugby must be so much harder and the guys must be way tougher since they don’t have to wear ‘armour’. Well, despite the fact players wear protection, there is a higher injury rate in American football than in rugby. This is probably due to the fact that you’re probably going to get more damaged by a 110kg border-line Olympic sprinter charging at you, than a bunch of guys rolling on each other in a ruck.
 
4. The Game is Better: What kind of fucking game only lets you pass backwards? Try and find something more exciting than a last-second, game-winning Hail Mary pass for an 80-yard touchdown. How bout a 58-yard field goal with one second left on the clock? It is what dreams are made of.
 
3. It Requires Intelligence: Do you know what they compare American football to? Chess. That’s right, an intellectual board game. What do they compare rugby to? Well, I don’t know, but it would be something like mud wrestling – just rolling around in the mud, touching each other just because you can. It’s probably equally as erotic, too.
 
2. The Money: The median pay of an American football player in 2009 was $770 000. Most rugby players wouldn’t get anywhere near that. A rugby salary probably wouldn’t even be enough to buy a good night out on the ol’ ‘hookers and blow’! What’s the point of being sport star if you can’t do that?!
 
1. It Breeds a Culture of Awesomeness: When America wants something done, they get it done. Like when they freed Iraq, they didn’t just free them – they freed the shit out of them. An American football player trains his whole damn life to obtain the glory of winning the Superbowl. I guess you can compare that to how New Zealand produces some of the best rugby players in the world so that when we go to the World Cup, we ... ahh ... try our best!