- A Spanish nun was expelled from her order - where she had wasted 35 years of her prime in seclusion - after she apparently blasphemed by having an Facebook page with 600 friends. This late bloomer is now staying at her mum’s house, watching Oprah, and embracing her newfound freedom.
- Demonstrating a clear technological edge over the rest of the world, China unveiled their latest transport solution: A trailer drawn by a mighty ram is China’s answer to air pollution, fuel consumption and greenhouse gas emissions. And showcasing the perfect communist discipline, the ram is also trained to head-butt anyone who skips or refuses to pay the fare.
- In a remarkable feat displaying the strictest sense of propriety, three Indian politicians of a morally conservative party, were caught watching porn in a state legislature. The trio included the Women’s Affairs Minister, who vehemently denied the charge, insisting that he was researching the exploitation of women.
- A high-level meeting between US Vice President Joe Biden, and his Chinese counterpart Mr. Xi Jinping, was used to strike a deal for – wait for it – Hollywood movie distribution. Classified sources within the White House confirmed that unleashing the gaffe-prone Mr. Biden was part of a US strategy of coercion. Mr. Biden cracked his notoriously terrible jokes until the Chinese premier-to-be gave up and signed the deal.
- Finally, there was happiness all around in the Philippines when the Government decided to grant autonomy to the fighting MILFs, or the Moro Islamic Liberation Front rebels. The MILFs will now dedicate all of their time to escorting tourists and appearing in men’s magazines.
- A Philadelphia man who hit it lucky on the blackjack tables, to the tune of $3,000, quickly had his luck run out when he tried to cash in his winnings. A quick scan of his ID showed that he was wanted for drug offences, and he was promptly arrested. The unlucky mug told police that he thought he was going to be arrested soon, and was playing blackjack to try and come up with bail money.
World Watch
Kia Ora and welcome to the very first World Watch, a whimsical look at the stranger goings-on in the world. I was pretty lucky to get to write this column, considering that Critic already boasts a little short of seventeen thousand volunteers. But I somehow cornered our sprightly young Editor, and marvelled him by being the first technologically-challenged Indian. So without further ado…