The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Mamacita. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email blinddate@critic.co.nz
Adam Sandler
My date greeted me with a nervous but sweet smile and a gaze through warm hazel eyes. We finished our meal and headed North from the restaurant. She was keen on a party but I convinced her to go back to hers where we enjoyed a cold one and a hot one.
She still wanted to go out so I walked her to the party she was talking about. At the door she invited me in but I wasn’t keen. Just as we finished our goodbyes I noticed out of the corner of my eye her lips searching for mine. As she lent in for a kiss I felt an unnatural inclination to tilt my head to the side and forced a hug. Already feeling awkward after the exchange from seconds earlier, she somehow didn’t get the indication and made a second attempt which resulted in a misplaced kiss on the side of my neck.
I laid in bed at home and couldn’t stop thinking about my date. I messaged her and walked her home from the party she was at. We made our way into her room and my fingertips gently pressed against her upper chest as I directed her to bed. She fell backwards and I followed on top of her. We laid with our faces an inch apart and our breathing became synchronised as I brushed the hair behind her left ear with my fingers. Before I knew it her lips were on mine and our tongues were moving tentatively in a slow erotic dance while my erection pressed against the fly of her black jeans. We swiftly undressed and with careful tenderness I made my descent from the nape of her neck to her nether region. I softly caressed her upper thigh with my mouth until she asked me to kiss her for the third time. I took a breath, and then found her clitoris with my tongue. Her back jerked upwards. I felt my chin moisten as my tongue explored the new territory. I pulled away and inches upwards until our hips were level. We moved gently at first and then increased in tempo until her arms were clinging around me like a vine. We repeatedly cried out each other’s names and climaxed together before we collapsed into the mattress and fell asleep.
Cheers.
Drew Barrymore
As I entered I had one goal on my mind - survive the date, gain points on the notorious flat bucket list and lead myself one step closer to victory. That’s when he walked in. He was tall, dark and handsome. He was also very drunk. The lighting was dim, the table was cosy, the atmosphere was quiet … he was loud. At first I questioned, perhaps an accent? But no, it was the quaint slur of someone three beers past their limit. Fortunately, not long after being there, the vodka I had skulled at home began to hit. As the night progressed we chatted, laughed and after two hours of some good convo and yum food it was time to leave. His clear distaste for “mainstream” culture unfortunately shed light on our differences as his lack of enthusiasm for days such as Hyde made my heart a little sad, as I could not relate. Luckily for us, our views on the world did cross over on the subject of our friend Mary Jane. Soon after this discovery, a plan for where the night may go after began to form.
Both unwilling to head to our respective homes too early, I revealed the bucket list that had led me to the date that night, in hopes of gaining even more than a few points out on the night. This was something that sparked the interest of my lumbering hunk. I was ready for an adventure, and my date’s dazed look lead me to believe he was too.
Arriving at mine we, passed the time by drinking some more before sharing a little more than a drink.
After it started getting a little steamy, it became clear we had different plans for the night. We headed out and the lovely gentlemen that my date had become from the slurring man I first met graciously walked me to my next location, where my true Dunedin breathers lay - and let’s just say I did end up ticking a few more things off that list. Thanks for a great night, but you’re probably too mainstream for me.