Local girls have recently been shocked to discover that their ultra-healthy, sugar-free RTDs have horrible side effects. Critic Te Arohi spoke to Samantha who bemoaned, “I can’t believe it. My collagen boosting drink with notes of aloe vera and angel piss gave me a pimple the next morning!” When questioned on how many of the dreaded drinks it took to produce such a reaction, Sam was a little shy. “They’re only about 1.9 standards each, so pretty weak I guess, but I didn’t even finish my box before fucking out! Kinda embarrassing.”
Jess had a similar problem when drinking her green algae flavoured beverage on St Paddy’s day. “I’m literally 20 why am I still breaking out? I thought this shit was supposed to stop once you weren’t a teenager anymore!” She was shocked that her all-natural health conscious choice could have influenced this. “My box is 10 x 330 mL so I drank 3.3 litres of fluid which should have kept my skin hydrated and glowing.” When asked whether she thought alcohol could have been the culprit, Jess was hesitant to jump to this conclusion. “I mean, they’re basically water right? Vodka is like water, they’re both clear. My body is a temple.”