Culture

1. Your latest Tinder match hits you with the dreaded question: “What kind of music are you into?” What half-truth will make you seem more interesting?
   1. Jazz, but like, real jazz. Have you seen Whiplash?
   2. I’m actually in a surf rock band, that’s probably my go-to genre. I can put you on the door to our gig this weekend if you like haha.
   3. You’re no liar: you love DnB and you’re proud of it.
   4. You go on an accidental rant about an avant-rap artist from Eastern Europe, which your new flame seems woefully uninterested in. Their loss!
   5. You don’t have to answer this question, because it was YOUR opening line! You’re really into punk, though, and get offended if anyone calls it dad rock.

2. What’s your go-to drink at a gig?
   1. It’s so hard to pick when all these $22 cocktails are so delicious! You definitely aren’t grimacing after each sip of that negroni.
   2. Holding a drink on the d-floor is an absolute pain, and you learned that lesson the hard way. You wriggle out of the mosh between sets to get a tequila shot.
   3. Whatever shitty, sugary, canned RTD is on offer.
   4. Have you ever tried organic wine? No, seriously, it’s so good!
   5. This craft beer cost you $15 and honestly you don’t like it that much but it gives you the leverage to make fun of other people’s drinks and that’s what matters.

3. How often do you get aux privileges at pres?
   1. Your flatmates try to keep you as far away as possible from any Spotify-connected speaker, but you somehow manage to queue some random song with a weird tempo and even weirder lyrics. You have never received a consensual aux in your life.
   2. You are a god when it comes to curating a playlist, and your friends know it. You’ve got a plethora of different playlists catered for specific vibes, and you never fail to select the right one. You are never given the aux - you are the one that gives.
   3. Maybe you don’t get aux at pres, but you’ve been known to jump on the decks at afters. Can you actually mix, or is everyone too pissed to tell?
   4. You don’t use streaming services because you don’t believe in them - do you know how little artists get paid per stream? You only get to control the music when you’re the host, because it means you can play your incredibly niche records you stole from your dad.
   5. You get the aux when your mate who answered B isn’t at pres, because you’re going to their gig. Your playlists are fine, but you haven’t got The Gift like they do.

4. What time do you show up to a gig?
   1. You’re not the first person there, but you’re early enough to get a drink without having to wait 15 minutes and the opener definitely hasn’t started yet.
   2. Your friend is in the opening band, and you ask them what time they’re playing. You then arrive an hour after that time, because you love them but all their sets do sound the same.
   3. You get there halfway through the opening act - not so early it’s embarrassing, but not so late that you wasted money on your ticket.
   4. Doors are at 8:30pm, so you’re there at 8:30pm. So are the other 10 people in attendance.
   5. You just rock up when you rock up and hope there’s still door sales - anything to avoid paying a booking fee.

5. What album defines your personality?

1. You tell everyone that it’s Kind of Blue by Miles Davis (“The record that MADE jazz!”) but realistically you’ve only listened to it about twice, and only in 60-second segments on TikTok.
2. When Green Day released American Idiot you bought the CD four times. It was your first hyperfixation and you still know every word to every song, as well as the movie.
3. You were born in Auckland in the early 2000s, but you truly came alive in 2013 when Wilkinson and Becky Hill released Afterglow. It doesn’t matter that it’s actually a single, it has the cultural impact of an album.
4. Have you heard of Plantasia? No? Plantasia worked its way into your brain as a child, ensuring that the only friends you’d ever make were either twenty years older or Scandanavians you met playing Minecraft. No in-betweens.
5. You listened to Dark Side of the Moon about once a week as a kid. You didn’t know what any of it meant, but you liked the pretty noises and the part where that lady sings really high, and the whole thing made you feel kinda funny and nice inside.

6. What childhood TV show theme song went hardest?

1. Coronation Street, but only because you watched it with your mum and it was the last happy time in your life.
2. ‘Gotta Catch ‘em All’ was a ballad you shouted as a child but now it just gives you sad nostalgia. Ash didn’t grow up, but you did, and only one of you got depressed.
3. The Digimon theme song lives in your head forever, stored on a pink-and-green flashdrive. The only other file on this flashdrive is a screenshot of the dancers from Lady Gaga’s ‘Judas’ video. You came out when you were 17.
4. Not only is it the Transformers theme song, it’s specifically the original version from the mid ‘80s with the whack-ass time signature that you never fail to tell people about. You’re either old or weren’t allowed to watch new cartoons so this is what you got. 
5. ‘What’s New Scooby Doo?’ absolutely fucking slaps and you rock out to it even to this day.

Answers:

Mostly A’s - Pequeño

The word people most commonly use to describe you to your face is “fashionable”. The word they most commonly use to describe you to other people is “pretentious”. You’ve definitely asked a bartender if they know how to make an Old Fashioned, and your friends have learnt the hard way to not mention their love of Taylor Swift or Harry Styles around you. With that said, you do expose your mates to music they otherwise wouldn’t listen to, and you’re known to shout drinks for people who tell you they’ve never had a real cocktail.

Mostly B’s - Dive

You live and breathe music, especially indie surf rock made by guys wearing Dickies, Docs, and their dad’s vintage jumper. There’s a solid chance you are one of those guys, too. Honestly, you have great taste, you’re good value on a night out, and you aren’t nearly as pretentious or self-centred as people might assume. It wouldn’t hurt to listen to more music made by women, though. Respectfully.

Mostly C’s - U-Bar

For you, a gig is less about the music and more about the whole experience of the night. Whether it’s DnB, a new local band, or an Australian artist on their annual Dunedin O-Week cash grab, you’re there to dance, drink, shout a bit, drink some more, steal someone’s vape and then (if you’re lucky) disappoint whoever takes you home. You might have a pretty basic taste, but you’re the heart and soul of pint night. If you’re in third-year or above, you’ll probably be like this for the rest of your life; but if you’re a fresher, there’s a chance you’ll evolve into a Dive or even a Pequeño.

Mostly D’s - Yours

There are few things you do in life that aren’t ideologically informed: from the clothes you wear, to the coffee you drink, to the music you listen to. You’re well-intentioned and smart, and your adherence to your values is admirable, but your mates do secretly wish you’d loosen up and not boycott their dusty Macca’s run every once in a while.

Mostly E’s - The Crown

You cannot be convinced that any good music has been released in the last ten years - unless, of course, it’s by an artist you’re going to see at The Crown. Everything about you harkens back to a simpler time, when REAL bands made REAL music! Your taste isn’t bad by any means, but it wouldn’t hurt to diversify your auditory portfolio a bit. Listening to artists who are still alive won’t kill you, we promise!