In a brilliant coup d’état for Critic’s poetry section, Dunedin has snared itself a poet of international infamy as the headline act of this year’s Fringe Festival. John Cooper Clarke, “punk’s poet laureate” will be bringing his iconic performance poetry to Sammy’s this month. Described as “Britain’s greatest living poet”, Clarke has been a feature of the punk rock scene since the late 70s and is a compatriot of the Sex Pistols, The Fall, Joy Division, and Siouxsie and the Banshees, among others (notably the Velvet Underground’s Nico, with whom he had a heroin-fuelled affair in the nineties).
With a shock of black hair, in a distinctive uniform of black drainpipes, a new romantic cravat and Cuban heeled boots, Clarke blurs the line between poetry, music and visual performance. His poems are odes to bleak urban disenchantment with an absurdist twist.
If you want to see poetry dragged kicking and screaming out of lecture theaters and onto the main stage, be sure to come to Sammy’s, 8pm, March 21st. John Cooper Clarke is performing with support by Martin Phillipps (The Chills). $30 Concession tickets for students and 91Card holders.
With a shock of black hair, in a distinctive uniform of black drainpipes, a new romantic cravat and Cuban heeled boots, Clarke blurs the line between poetry, music and visual performance. His poems are odes to bleak urban disenchantment with an absurdist twist.
If you want to see poetry dragged kicking and screaming out of lecture theaters and onto the main stage, be sure to come to Sammy’s, 8pm, March 21st. John Cooper Clarke is performing with support by Martin Phillipps (The Chills). $30 Concession tickets for students and 91Card holders.
Twat - by John Cooper Clarke
Like a Night Club in the morning, you’re the bitter end.
Like a recently disinfected shit-house, you’re clean round the bend.
You give me the horrors
too bad to be true
All of my tomorrows
are lousy coz of you.
You put the Shat in Shatter
Put the Pain in Spain
Your germs are splattered about
Your face is just a stain
You’re certainly no raver, commonly known as a drag.
Do us all a favour, here ... wear this polythene bag.
You’re like a dose of scabies,
I’ve got you under my skin.
You make life a fairy tale ... Grimm!
People mention murder, the moment you arrive.
I’d consider killing you if I thought you were alive.
You’ve got this slippery quality,
it makes me think of phlegm,
and a dual personality
I hate both of them.
Your bad breath, vamps disease, destruction, and decay.
Please, please, please, please, take yourself away.
Like a death a birthday party,
you ruin all the fun.
Like a sucked and spat out smartie,
you’re no use to anyone.
Like the shadow of the guillotine
on a dead consumptive’s face.
Speaking as an outsider,
what do you think of the human race?
You went to a progressive psychiatrist.
He recommended suicide ...
before scratching your bad name off his list,
and pointing the way outside.
You hear laughter breaking through, it makes you want to fart.
You’re heading for a breakdown,
better pull yourself apart.
Your dirty name gets passed about when something goes amiss.
Your attitudes are platitudes,
just make me wanna piss.
What kind of creature bore you
Was is some kind of bat
They can’t find a good word for you,
but I can ...
TWAT.