Back for its fourth year is the Critic Census, the annual data-crunching exercise conducted by the nosy parkers at Critic Te Ārohi. We asked 52 questions on just about everything, and 1005 of you shared the juicy details on study, sex, drugs, flatting, money, politics, relationships and more. Statistical analysis has never been so sexy.
Who filled out the census?
First, kudos to you: this year’s data is much more reflective of the student body compared to Critic’s previous censuses. A grand total of 1005 students anonymously handed over their data to feed the Critic content machine, marking a whopping 195% increase in responses from last year. How did we gather this data? Critic promoted the census on social media, advertised it in the magazine and, with the permission of various lecturers, surveyed classes about their porn habits (among other topics). The papers included were LAWS407, LAWS301, BSNS111, BSNS112, MFCO318, and GEND207. We thank you for your time.
So, which of your peers volunteered their thoughts and lives for juicy Critic content? Our sample of respondents turns out to be a fairly accurate representation of the student body. Below is the demographic breakdown of our survey respondents compared to the University student population:
For your reading pleasure, we also gathered some additional info about our survey respondents – or Otago students in general – since the University doesn’t collect this information. Namely, student’s religious beliefs and the number of Jafas on campus (answer: still too many).
Other answers included Mormon, Greek Orthodox and Catholic (which we’d consider branches of Christianity), Pagan, Rastarfarian, Pastafarianism (aka atheist) and simply “spiritual”.
Our non-kiwi respondents stemmed from basically everywhere, not limited to Australia (1.4%) Brazil, United States, England, Ireland, Hong Kong, Japan, India, Singapore, Indonesia, Philippines, Germany, Cook Islands and Tahiti. Otago is truly Mr Worldwide.
Now onto the sexy stuff.
Sex & Relationships
We start off strong with everyone’s guilty pleasure topics: sex, celebrities, and drama.
Sex life
Just as in previous years, everyone vastly overestimates how much sex their peers are having. About 50% of students believe they’re having less sex than everyone else, compared to 26% who believe they’re having “about the same” and 24.5% who reckon they’re knocking boots more than the rest of us (more power to you).
Porn
The most awkward question to fill out during your 8am was probably your porn viewing habits. That could explain why 48% of students reported they don’t consume porn of any form. Last year, Critic reckoned 26.2% “frankly seems like a lie” – meaning 48% is almost certainly a lie. Here’s a reminder that the census is anonymous; your dirty secrets are safe with us.
Amongst students who do consume porn, PornHub and other X-rated sites predictably topped as the most popular form of consumption at 37.7%. Uncensored social media sites such as Reddit and X (formerly Twitter) came second (18.3%), followed by fictional erotica (13.4%), OnlyFans (1.3%) and old-school pornographic media like Playboy (1.1%). “Homemade porn,” “Colleen Hoover books” and “I AM HENTAI FIEND” ranked amongst our spiciest individualised answers.
Relationships
As for a more wholesome statistic, 37.5% of students reported being in a romantic relationship. But if you’re still looking for someone to cuff up this Dunedin winter, don’t fret: about 50% of campus is still single, according to the census. That’s right, there’s a 50/50 chance the hottie in your tutorial is on the market! On the other hand, 10% of respondents claimed to be in the dreaded situationship, whilst 2.7% describe themselves as exclusively dating someone they’re not ‘official’ with yet.
Sexuality
Last year, Critic published that Ōtepoti Dunedin is one of the few places on earth where you’ll hear the f-slur casually used by breathas “who are mere hours away from drinking out of each other’s nutsacks.” Now we have the data to back it up: a whopping 44.5% of census respondents don’t identify as straight/heterosexual – around 2 in 5 students. This statistic is especially surprising considering only 4.2% of New Zealand adults identify as LGBT+.
Celebrity Crushes
As for crushes, it seems Otago Uni has a type: ridiculously good-looking, unproblematic, and somewhat mysterious “it” actors of the moment. Otago’s most popular celebrity crush this year was Paul Mescal, followed by Margot Robbie and Zendaya (who tied equally) and Theo James. But looking at the diversity of answers, there’s truly someone for everyone. Even Critic Editor Nina [Editor’s note: I’m blushing], OUSA President Keegan, and Otago’s very own Daddy Grant racked up some votes.
Flatmates
While flatting can be a lot of fun, things can quickly turn sour depending on the company you keep. Luckily, 75% of flatting students reported they like the people they live with. Less fortunately, 22.6% reported only liking some of their flatmates – or only liking their flatmates some of the time (“there’s a bit of drama”). Even less fortunately, the remaining 2.3% don’t like their flatmates at all. For everyone suffering through a dysfunctional flatting situation, perhaps take comfort in knowing that a quarter of your peers are in the trenches of a regrettable lease with you.
University & Academia
Halls
Every hall comes with its own culture, stereotypes, and traditions. But are some halls widely believed to be better than others? Is there a hall of envy? To find out, we asked students which hall they ended up at, whether they were happy with their hall of choice, and, if not, what hall they wished they’d gone to.
Uni recruiters often tell Year 13s that whichever hall they go to will end up being the “best” one, and our census data seems to support this old adage. Of the respondents who did go to a hall, 83.8% liked the hall they went to, and only 16.7% of respondents had wished they’d gone somewhere else. But among those who wish they’d gone somewhere else, Arana was the most popular choice at 18.8%, making the “Fuck Arana” chant ring a little hollow, and perhaps confirming resident’s suspicions that people are just jealous of them.
Choice to study at Otago
Much like their hall choices, students responded they were overwhelmingly happy with their decision to study at Otago University (87.8%), whilst only 2.7% wished they had gone to a different university (the remainder feeling “neutral” about their choice).
New Logo
This year, the Uni underwent Māori cultural rebranding, where the new tohu (symbol) has attracted endless (and perhaps insensitive) comparisons to bananas. Whilst the University itself may be in vogue amongst students, its rebrand was predictably far more divisive. 36.6% of students thought it looked good, 36.4% felt neutral about it, and 27% of students reckoned it “looks bad”. However, the new tohu and ingoa Māori is far from just a cosmetic change for the Uni, being an important step towards being a Te Tiriti led institution. Critic can see where the banana comments came from, though.
Grant Robertson
A rebrand is not the only change in the air at Otago. This semester, former OUSA President and Deputy Prime Minister Grant Robertson begins as Otago’s new Vice Chancellor (i.e., the big boss of the Uni). Aside from the majority who felt neutral, only 7.4% disapproved of his appointment, whilst 42% of students supported the incoming reign of Daddy Grant. As with all step-fathers, it seems it may take a minute for the rest of the flock to warm up to their new parental figure.
Future career
Contrary to popular belief – primarily among Dunedin locals – students don’t only come to Otago to get on the piss. By and large, students put themselves through years of stress and financial hardship to work towards a future career – whilst also getting on the piss. 31.3% of students reported being certain of their career path, while 43.9% are deciding between two or more options. 24.8% have “literally no clue”, and since we forgot to ask what everyone studies, Critic can’t be sure whether these were from the BA respondents.
Best study spot
The campus libraries came out on top as students’ preferred study locations. Beating the Central slander, almost half of students (43.6%) voted Central Library as their top study spot on campus. As the name suggests, its central location makes for a convenient spot to brush up on readings between lectures. The rankings of other libraries came out as: Robertson Library (13.9%), Richardson Law Library (12.2%), The Marsh (8.2%, proving breathas study too), St Dave’s Science Library (7.5%), and Health Science Library (3.6%). Most other respondents said some variation of “home”, niche places on campus, or a café. To the person who answered “my bed,” you’re a real one for that.
Lecture attendance
Since the pandemic forced all teaching online, there’s been talk of changing learning behaviour among students who might prefer to switch to online learning – much to lecturers’ chagrin. However, two-thirds of students indicated that they attend most, if not all, of their lectures in person, unless they have a valid reason not to. 6% of students said they don’t go to any in-person lectures at all. When students miss a lecture, 58.2% said they will always watch it online later on, while 35% said they only do sometimes, and 6.8% never do.
Technology
ChatGPT
ChatGPT took the world by storm last year, simultaneously causing widespread anxiety and glee among staff and students at uni. While the Uni’s policy on the use of generative AI says ChatGPT can be used as a tool for learning and research, relying on it for assignments is considered academic misconduct. It may come as a surprise to some to learn that only 25.6% of students said they “often” use ChatGPT for assignments. Use could range from merely replacing typically Googled questions with ChatGPT, to a straight copy and pasted essay. 40% said they sometimes have used the AI, while 34.4% never have.
Social Media
It seems that what they say about the kids and their phones these days is true. Only four students in the census didn’t have any form of social media. Critic envies how peaceful it must be to not be chronically online, bombarded with content 24/7 – such as from your truly. Meta reigned superior over other social media platforms, with the majority of students using Instagram (97.5%) and Facebook (94.3%). Snapchat came a close third (87.1%) – because how else would you send nudes? – followed by TikTok (66.7%). Those too good for TikTok are sure to send you Instagram reels of months-old trends.
Drugs & Alcohol
Alcohol
Otago students’ reputation for binge-drinking is notorious, making them sure to be the heavy-weights of any Crate Day among highschool homies. But how does our alcohol consumption rate amongst ourselves? In response to our question of whether students think they drink more or less than their peers, most reckon they drink less than their peers (42.3%) with a similar proportion guessing they’d drink about the same amount. 12% of students think they drink more than their peers, and 55 respondents said that they don’t drink alcohol at all.
Illegal Drug Use
Note: Students who reported more than one drug are counted once in each group reported. Therefore, totals may be greater than 100%
With Boba Ket lurking amongst us, the list of illicit drugs tried by students was bound to be diverse. A quarter of students reported that they’d never tried any drugs outside of a prescription. Of the large majority who’ve dabbled, marijuana came out on top at 73.5%. Following the devil’s lettuce was the ‘hug drug,’ MDMA. Data has shown dirty Dunnaz to be the MDMA capital of New Zealand, so it’s no surprise 41% of respondents have given it a whirl (or a gurn). Individualised answers included opioids, benzos (without a prescription), paint fumes, “some bag I found on the floor at a club” and a defensive “I’ve only tried weed once bro” – which, y’know, still counts. And to the 117 of you who have tried cocaine, Critic asks: in this economy?
Weed Consumption
Note: Students who reported more than one method are counted once in each group reported. Therefore, totals may be greater than 100%
The real question among the stoners of North D isn’t how much weed you’ve smoked, but how you do it. This census question caused a mini uproar. Not from the Uni, for once, but from students who complained to Critic they could only select one method, with many wanting to check them all (causing Features Editor Iris to urgently edit the settings on Google Forms in the middle of a first date). Joints came out on top as everyone’s preferred way of getting high (47.2%), followed closely by bongs (44.8%), and edibles (34.8%) – the remainder not having made Mary Jane’s acquaintance. Critic notes that while edibles may be more effort to prep, they’re way more yum than your mate’s homemade E2 bottle and hose pipe bong. If you’re in need of inspiration, check out this year’s drugs issue for Critic’s firecracker edible recipe.
Nicotine
Once upon a time, we were all kids righteously swearing on the altar of Harold the Giraffe to never touch a cigarette. Now, almost half of us are sucking on a blueberry flavoured USB stick – some more than others. While 54.7% of students reported they don't vape, the 26.6% who vape “only on social occasions” harass the 18.7% of regular vapers at said social occasions.
Vapes were initially introduced as a quitting device for smokers. That may be true for some, but among younger demographics it’s better regarded as a gateway into durrie munching (just me?). 5.2% of students told Critic they regularly smoke cigarettes, whilst 29% relegate their smoking habits to the weekends – a tobacco treat at the end of a hard week. The majority (65.9%) have remained steadfast to their childhood commitment; probably to the delight of Student Health.
Mental Health
Damaged lungs aren’t the only ailment students suffer from. According to endless studies, Gen Z disproportionately suffers from mental health issues; likely due to a mix of increased awareness and various pressures of the modern world. 27% of respondents reported they suffered from a diagnosed mental health issue. 24.4% reported they suffered from poor mental health, but have yet to be diagnosed. The majority (33%) shared they struggled with their mental health sometimes/on occasion. It was actually the minority – 15% – who reported they don't struggle with their mental health at all… which totally isn’t concerning.
Interestingly, despite over 50% reporting regularly or chronically struggling with mental health, only 32.1% of respondents have sought support from Student Health Mental Health and Wellbeing Services. Student Health offers up to six counselling sessions for students depending on their needs (call 03 479 8212 to book). Other campus support services include OUSA Student Support, Te Huka Mātauraka Māori Centre, Pacific Islands Centre, Peer Support, Disability Information and Support, and Chaplaincy.
Student Life
Castle Street
Ah, Castle. The heart of student debauchery – or is it? While the second-years of 1990 sang Queen as they rolled and torched a car, and those of the 2000s ignited riots at the Undie 500, these days, Castle Street is more exclusive and reclusive than ever. While you may be reading this blacked out (both literally and figuratively) on your way to Thirsty – don’t let the hype of Re-O fool you. The people (61.1%) have spoken: Castle Street is officially dead. Only 8.8% defended the street as alive, while the remaining 30.1% reported they didn’t know (we know you know).
As for what party street would hypothetically take over Castle’s spot, Leith Street came out on top at 46.3%, while 25.1% were in favour of Hyde Street, and 9% backed Dundas. 19.7% of students voted “none – Castle supremacy!” But in this election, Critic endorses Leith in light of the piss poor amount of open-hosts since we called out Castle last year. As nostalgic as Castle once was, the street will have to prove itself this semester before Leith overtakes them in a race more enticing than Biden versus Trump. Well, except for one second-year who commented that there should have been an option for “I don’t give two tenths of a shit.” Fair enough.
Extracurricular
Collectively getting on the piss may be a hallmark of our student community, but extracurriculars remain a great (we’d argue the best) method of meeting like-minded friends, engaging in student life, and developing a sense of belonging here at Otago. Thus, it was great to see that 51.1% reported being involved in at least one extracurricular activity or club at Uni. Ka pai e hoa mā.
Admittedly, Critic Te Ārohi has in recent years snubbed the promotion of OUSA Clubs and Socs while simultaneously publishing melancholic pieces about the demise of student culture. But those days are gone. For the remaining 48.9% of respondents yet to dip their toes into extracurriculars, Critic encourages you to check out what's on offer this semester. There’s truly something for everyone: taekwondo, beer brewing, debating, arm wrestling, dance lessons, live music, skiing, literature clubs, and even a dermatology interest group. And hey, if you’ve got a pitch – come volunteer for us!
Best $4 Lunch Day
First, we must address the elephant in the room: 69.8% of you don’t eat OUSA $4 lunches, a stat I can only support as long as it guarantees my broke ass a seat to inhale those deliciously cheap meals. Some days, of course, are considered better than others. Wednesday’s dal makhani with rice and potato curry emerged victorious, followed by Monday’s chickpeas and rice with potato and vegetables; Tuesday’s vegetable pasta with mixed salad; Friday’s mixed dahl with rice and vegetable curry; and lastly, Thursday’s vegetable soup with buns. But this Dunedin winter, a hearty soup is never a bad thing. The majority don’t know what they’re missing out on.
Going out
Drafting the question “best night of the week to go out,” Critic had originally limited the nights to Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday – before being reminded that there are local pub quiz nights on Mondays and Tuesdays, and that the most hardcore breathas will still be pissing up this Re-O Sunday. Predictably, Saturday nights came out on top at 53.4%, followed by Fridays (21.4%), with Thursdays (6.4%) beating out Wednesdays’ Pint Night by a mere 0.2% difference. Monday somehow beat Tuesday by 0.2% and, to our relief, no-one picked Sunday. Because that’s diabolical.
But the next question is: which Octagon club is worth the walk from North D? Fresher favourite Suburbia (or Subs) – upscale pizza joint by day, sticky DnB basement by night – took the win, with the largest proportion of students (21.7%) voting for it. Next came Vault 21, wracking up 14.4% of the votes, followed by Carousel (12%), Catacombs (10.8%), and Dunedin Social Club (9.1%). There was a general split of younger to older students, with the former tending to go for Subs, Vault, and Cats; while the latter stuck to Carousel and Social Club.
Coffee
For many, coffee is the lifeblood of their student existence. You can practically smell the coffee beans infused into graduates’ degrees. But with so many options on campus to get your caffeine fix, where’s the most popular? The win goes to Dispensary, tucked into the side of the OUSA Clubs and Socs building and home of Kevin the cat, receiving 18.9% of the votes. Critic concurs – they also have banging salads. Second and third went to Fluid (9.5%) and Auahi Ora (6.5%) respectively.
Most of the individualised answers were some variation of “too broke to afford coffee”. Valid, given a barista coffee will set you back a cool $5-$8 depending on your bev of choice. These sensible students either opted for a homemade brew, or plugged hacks including $1 coffee deals at Cookie Time on George St, and sneaking into fresher’s halls to use their coffee machines (sorry to the person who asked for that to be kept secret). To the 37% of you who don’t drink coffee, Critic assumes that, rather than raw-dogging life without caffeine, you’re the culprits behind the emptied Monster vending machines come exam season.
Pint Glass Theft
Last semester, Critic reported on klepto students nicking U-Bar pint glasses. If you missed it, U-Bar’s pint glass stock dropped from the 3000-4000 that were bought just a few years ago, to a mere 500 in April, leaving staff scratching their heads. Despite U-Bar’s preventative efforts – snatching glasses as soon as they emptied and catching attempted burglaries waddling their way out the door with curiously shaped pants – the numbers continued to dwindle. We put the question to the wider student body: “Have you stolen a pint glass from U-Bar before?” 19.9% of said yes – 200 students admitting to crime. U-Bar, let Critic staff skip the Pint Night line and the data’s yours.
Finances
Rent
Despite being riddled with black mould and slum landlords, Dunedin’s rental market can be a subject of envy to other students across the motu. Its relatively low prices will often elicit a chorus of envious groans – especially from our peers in the capital, notorious for its steep cost of living.
So what are Dunedin students paying for their humble dwellings? Two thirds of students’ rent sat in the middle of the scale in the census: paying between $160 to $190 or $190 to $210. The remainder of rents ranged from as low as $125, up to around $275. As Critic Te Ārohi failed to ask where students flatted, we can only speculate that the price increases closer to the main streets of Studentville – as healthy homes standards drop.
Financial Support
Despite our chronically low bank balances, Uni students aren’t the most impoverished bunch. Only 21% of respondents are eligible for student allowance, a stat that reflects the majority’s affluent backgrounds (and the class barrier to higher education). As Critic reported last year, Otago students are 24 times more likely to come from schools located in the 10% wealthiest areas of New Zealand than from schools located in the poorest.
Still, in the middle of a cost of living crisis, times are tight and student loans often stretch to cover the basics (especially if you’re on the upper end of the rental scale). So how are students getting by financially? 54.3% of students in the survey have a part-time job, 125 of which having more than one job to make ends meet – fit around full-time study. Of the 1005 students in the census, 76% are supported by their parents in one way or another, most commonly for the occasional small expense (55.6%). Parents also help their kids with: rent or hall fees (29.1%), weekly groceries (13.5%), tuition fees (12.9%), bond money (7.4%), and power bills (6.9%).
Politics
OUSA
The Otago University Students’ Association (OUSA) has often garnered confusion among students over who they are and what they do. Students’ understanding of OUSA made a near perfect bell-curve. The majority of students (35%) ranked their understanding as a three out of five; a humble 8.6% were confident that they knew OUSA completely.
As a quick refresher for the 9.9% who didn’t know at all, OUSA runs almost everything at the University outside of academia and Unipol. Through the collaboration of departments including Student Support, Clubs and Socs, marketing, events, media (Critic and Radio One), and student exec, OUSA is the heart of the student experience outside of the classroom.
OUSA Exec
Each year, the Exec are elected by popular vote, giving student reps the power to call the shots on where OUSA directs its time and energy. While they’re supposed to represent the entire student body’s interests, student political engagement is notoriously poor these days. Of the respondents who were at Otago Uni last year, just under half voted in the elections. But considering last year’s engagement was so bad that four out of the ten positions ran uncontested – including the presidential position – that’s not too shabby. This year’s election is coming up in September, and will hopefully be a bit more exciting.
On the topic of low engagement and the student exec, Critic asked students whether they knew who their current reigning leader was. Popping down the hall to give Keegan regular updates as the results rolled in became a favourite pastime. It started off rather dire as the “no” answers dominated, despite the last issue of the magazine literally featuring her on the cover. There was a brief, glorious period of about a week when the “yes” answers triumphed. Keegan was momentarily validated that her tireless work each week for students’ benefit hasn’t gone unnoticed – only for the “yes” answers to crash and settle at 44.6%. That said, Keegan still possesses local celebrity status, if the responses to our celeb crush question is anything to go by.
Political Party
Continuing the last year’s census trend, a massive majority of students expressed support for the Green Party (57.8%), dwarfing the proportion of votes for Labour (11.8%) and National (9.3%). It’s unclear whether Green Party Co-Leader Chlöe Swarbrick’s Muay Thai skills contributed to her wooing the youths. We can only assume that those who voted for ACT were swayed by David Seymour’s “sexy, boy-next-door vibe” as Critic wrote in a 2018 interview, and not ACT’s attempt to steal school kid’s lunches across the motu. Critic Te Ārohi would like to formally apologise to the person who pointed out that we didn’t include TOP in the options for this question, saying, “Critic clearly aren’t proficient pollsters.” Although, 11 of you were bright enough to use the “other” option as a way around this.
Given the left-leaning voting intentions of students, it comes as no surprise that the answer to whether you like our current right wing ‘Coalition of Chaos’ between National/ACT/NZ First was a resounding “no” (73.7%). 20.2% preferred to sit on the fence, while a modest 6.1% showed their support.
Critic Te Ārohi
Critic Te Ārohi Readership
Naturally, we couldn’t pass up the opportunity for some personal feedback. The only feedback we typically receive is based on how quickly magazines disappear from stands – which is nice, aside from the war flashbacks when Campus Watch confiscated all copies of the 2018 menstruation issue. In a stat we swear we didn’t fake, 69.6% of you cuties read Critic weekly, and 29% read the mag every now and then.
Fave Content
With thirteen issues under our belt, there was a lot to choose from when we asked what your favourite Critic content has been this year. And what we learned is that students are nothing if not predictable: you like sex, drugs, puzzles, and horoscopes (winning the fave column with 32.5% of the votes).
Overwhelmingly, ‘The Great Critic Drug Review’ written by the mysterious Boba Ket took the crown for the People’s Choice Award. One person said it was “so sick reading it while high was trippy asf”. Another student said they found it to be so informative that it stopped them from doing acid. The drugs issue also took the win for the best cover, a non-surprise given we managed to stage a red-lit photoshoot of your student exec “smoking” out of a cursed cone bong.
Second runner-up for fave article was the hall food review, which saw Critic’s reporters sneaking into all 14 residential colleges (well, except Aquinas) to review their food – an antic that landed us in hot water with Salmond over their shit rating. They’re still not over it, if the “don’t fuck with the Mond” comments in the census are anything to go by. The most mentioned news stories were arguably the most unhinged: vampire thief on Forth Street, mud wrestling, a first-year nicknamed Elvis winning (and spending) it big gambling, and bra-pinching at halls.
Critic Te Ārohi loves serving the tea, and always aims to amuse. However, students pick up Critic not only to be entertained, but also to be informed on the issues that matter. While the drug review clearly came out on top as a top hit, we were pleasantly surprised at the consistent love for serious and long-form articles. This year, Critic has put our journalism skills to the test, writing about Palestinian protests, ‘Castle Capitalism’, law-breaking Law students, drink spiking, and the pitfalls of the birth control pill – among others. Credit where credit is due: your attention spans are better than we’d hoped!
Finally, no survey is complete without a healthy dose of slander in the comment section. The moans and groans we copped ranged from people telling us to step up our game, pointing to “mid” Snaps, to fix the typos in the crosswords, and some variation of “don’t read that shit” (notably a quote from an ACT party voter). We love you, too.
Whew, that was a lot of information. To recap: this year’s census proved the most reflective of the student body so far, representing the diverse population here at Otago Uni. While most of you agree that Castle Street is dead and that there is just something so sexy about Paul Mescal’s short-shorts, the Uni’s rebrand and the best way to get high were some of the divisive topics. The census shows that most of you are putting in the mahi, studying and attending lectures and working towards a certain career (and still enjoying going out on the weekend). Ka pai! Lastly, thanks for engaging with our content – both short- and long-form – and to everyone who contributed to the 2024 Critic Census. We promise we won’t sell your data xoxo