Features

Otago University’s students have a bad reputation. A walk through the residential halls’ more chequered histories stands to remind our fresh-faced first years that we’re not all depraved — but even those that are won’t bite (much).

Gazing up at the Himalayan mountain range that is the hill leading up to Aquinas, staring down the maze-like corridors of Cumberland, looking down at your future campus from the windows of UniCol; you’ve made it. With your parents traipsing up the steps behind you brandishing suitcases and boxes, move-in day seems like a breeze. Perhaps you’ve met some of your floormates and fellow college inhabitants; maybe you’ve made some potential friends.

There are several different sorts of people you will encounter during your time at university, and it all starts off with that first year at a hall. The microclimate of a residential college provides a complete array of individuals, including the fresh-faced first year. To all those who aren’t in their first year of university or currently residing in a residential college, this feature has not forgotten you. Although the taunting and egg brandishing may indicate the opposite, we were all first years once.

From the colourful calamity that is CityCol to the hill-dwelling Carrington, our halls are well and truly alive with the sound of first years. Among this latest hoard of undergraduates, you will find many a character. The typical BCom student may be, above all else, down to party; geographers and geologists will be passionate (probably about the environment), rowdy and down-to-earth (haha dirt joke!); your BA residents will likely have Fridays off and thus far more time to not do any work; surveyors are predominantly male, and should definitely be studying more than they are; Health Scis are very important — but not actually — so don’t let the constant “Barry, you need to promise me if I get less than an 86 per cent average this semester to chop off my left hand” get you down.

Aside from degree-based diagnostics, you’ll encounter the Food Snatcher — never tell them where you keep your treats; the Serial Sleeper-Inner — leave them be; the Ghost — do they even go here?; the Joker — they sometimes need to be reminded to chill; Poisoned Ivy — always hung-over; the Riddler — only ever speaks in CELS- or HUBS-related terminology; the Farmer — from Southland, should remember to wear shoes; then Grumpy, Happy, Dopey, Dreamy and all the others finding their place in the world.

Otago University is often painted in a negative light, with certain antics such as the burning of furniture and trashing of streets creating a bad reputation for our Scarfies. Cam Higgins, a former residential assistant (RA) from Aquinas College, said, “The reputation for bad behaviour is caused by a very small number of students … the real Scarfie culture is a tight-knit community where everyone is super laid back and genuine.” National broadcasts of student events turned sour have certainly portrayed the university as a haven for trouble-makers in the past (see the Hyde Street Annual Keg Party), but as Higgins went on to say, “You find badly behaved students at every [university] in the country, but Dunedin is the only student city.” Where AUT or Victoria University students may cause mayhem, there’s probably more newsworthy action happening in other parts of the cities so “the [antics] go ignored.”

Concerns over student behaviour prompted the university to introduce a Code of Conduct (CoC) in 2007. The CoC, which all students must abide by, aims to promote a sense of community and mutual respect throughout the university. Breaking the CoC will end in disciplinary action. The introduction of the CoC was accompanied by the establishment of the Campus Watch security force — to keep tabs on crime and anti-social behaviour on campus and in the nearby student neighbourhoods.

Life in a residential college can be daunting at first, especially if you’re more reserved and on the shy side of sociability. To those who sit in their room in fear of the antics of those around them, regardless of what characters surround you, there are sure to be those that will pull some outrageous antics. Halls have quite the reputation for some world-class pranks as students attempt to stretch the boundaries.

Although we tried to contact multiple heads of colleges for tales, it is not policy for them to speak to any media about anything college-related. Such a shame — they probably have some wonderful stories that could even top the following tales.

Even if practical jokes seem imminent, it’s doubtful that this year’s residents will match what happened at UniCol in 2009 — it was a devilishly genius prank that was played on the last resident to turn 18. While friends took their victim out on the town for the first time, another group of students moved the entire contents of his eighth-floor room to an empty room on the ground floor. He was returned to the hall in a bit of a state and put to bed in his new room. After a short period of sleep, fellow residents burst into his room, woke him up and promptly “threw” him out the window. He screamed in terror for “nearly a minute” before noticing that he wasn’t actually falling eight stories to his death. In another flying story, Rory Davis of Hayward 2010 said that “surfing down the stairs on mattresses is fun, and not even frowned upon.” Two RAs even joined in on the excitement.

If you’re worried about clashing opinions between would-be new friends, things probably won’t get nearly as bad as they did back in the 70s, when resident Donald Elley “jammed” (poured a jar of jam between the bed sheets) an older student’s bed after he was subject to “initiation rites” such as drinking bizarre concoctions. Another resolution was achieved between feuding residents of Carrington College in 2012: Josh Robinson told of a nasty wave of sexism that washed over the hall mid-semester. From “make me a sandwich” remarks at breakfast to inferiority-suggestive insults, the female residents ultimately silenced the derogatory behaviour by breaking into the rooms of perpetrators and writing “MAKE YOUR OWN DAMN SANDWICH” on their mirrors with lipstick. Not the greatest leap forward for feminism.

In line with residents lacking a sense of maturity, it’s reasonable to be wary of what some of them may end up doing with their genitals. In 2011 one Mr Holding reported of a serial “danger-beater” lingering in CityCol’s computer lab. He was nicknamed Manbaby by his fellow residents and frequently pleasured himself using the hall’s computers. If he were intruded upon, he would immediately act “normal” and like he was getting away with it. Unfortunately, disturbed onlookers witnessed his deviant behaviour through an adjacent window.

We’ve discussed fellow students, but what about those that once were people? Ghosts. Although there have been “sightings” in the past, there have yet to be any actual physically harmful ghost attacks. Note the following: A former RA tells us that in 2011 a few Arana Health Sci students supposedly filed for compassionate consideration following a series of ghostly encounters in the elevator post-CELS191 test. The residents in question suffered distractions at the hand of their invisible lift operator when the “being” whispered to those riding. Scumby Cumby has always been known for its wild and whacky residents, but in 2012 things got a little spooky. The supposed ghost of an “unfit mother” nicknamed the “Grey Lady” was first seen by two Health Scis returning from a night at the library. The haunting culminated in several residents performing a séance, and although no actual verbal responses were heard, the group told of “strange noises” and “bumping” occurring on the night.

One thing that parents are more likely to be concerned about than students is the sexual awakening of first years fresh off the leash (leash meaning their parents’ houses). Both Selwyn and Studholme played host to their own sexy scandals in 2013 and 2014 when senior RAs in both halls began sexual relations with first-year residents. The Selwynite was told to either end the relationship or leave the college, so he left and love lingered on. The administration team at Studholme, on the other hand, did not find out about the erogenous affair and thus took no formal action to stop it. The policies surrounding RA–student relationships are not so clear when inspecting the CoC or your hall’s own “Residential Responsibilities”, and although RAs are encouraged to build relationships with each resident, it is generally known that anything beyond friendly is unacceptable. Cases of inappropriate relationships often depend upon another resident’s reporting of them, and the RA will always face a harsher punishment than the resident, for it is their responsibility to guide and maintain appropriate friendships. (NB: almost every residential college at Otago University has had RA–resident relationships occur in the past, and it remains one of the many regulations and rules that admin frustratingly can’t keep track of very easily).

Regardless of whether or not your college-mates end up doing-the-do in a scandalous fashion, nothing will be quite as embarrassing as what happened in 2013 to a St Margaret’s girl: a female resident was feared missing by her friends and minders for around 24 hours. After this time, one of the RAs decided to investigate her room for clues, and in doing so stumbled across the missing fresher. The girl had been engaged in sexual activities with a male acquaintance for the entirety of her “disappearance”.

If you have a history of sleepwalking, sleep talking, sleep dancing or another sleeping-related condition, it might be worth placing a few obstacles in your path to the doorway in order to prevent escaping your room. Selwyn may be one of Otago’s more “premiere” residential colleges, but it has a very strange history of bizarre behaviour among its residents. In 2011 a female resident who was apparently sleepwalking her way to the bathroom intruded on a fellow female resident during her sleep. Except, she wasn’t in the bathroom, and the poor girl’s office chair was not the toilet. Oops.

Also, the windows only open so far for a reason. Please don’t climb out of them. No matter how marvelous the planned escapade is, it’s not worth it. An outrageous operation was undertaken by a group of UniCol lads; following a 30-man lock-in, complete with smuggled-in kegs, a hoard of hearty thrill-seekers proceeded to scale the building’s North Tower and climb into the Master’s office to retrieve a confiscated funnel. Astonishingly, no one was caught during the mission, and no one was injured. This operation was only successful because no one was hurt and no member of staff could find out who the culprits were — they were lucky. It’s true that you could “do what you want, just don’t get caught”, but really it just isn’t worth the risk. Injury is one thing, but if caught breaking either the CoC or your own hall’s regulations, instant fines, suspension (is the tiniest thrill of adrenaline really worth spending a week at Arana?), embarrassing disciplinary actions and dismissal are what await you.

Nobody likes the Fun Police, and Critic will never try to do anything more than tell you tales of when people got caught by them. Make new friends, have new experiences, enjoy yourself in this new and exciting environment. In all honesty, unless you set out to specifically break these rules, you probably won’t even need to remember them. We support regular practical jokes in halls; just don’t be that one moron who gets the whole hall put on an alcohol ban because you decide to be a first-class asshole.

With RAs, Campus Watch, deans, headmasters and the university itself watching your back, you really don’t need to worry about the little things associated with inter-resident socialisation. Maybe you’re one of the bros; that’s great! Perhaps you’re more into knuckling-down and getting your notes finished; that’s also great! You aren’t going to get along with everyone in your hall, and some of them will probably pull some stupid stunts, but make sure you enjoy your time away at university and let your hair down a bit.

The flipside of all the despicable behaviour is, obviously, the hilarity and immense support fresh-faced first years will find among fellow college residents. Each one of them is going through the same transition period, and a lot of them are a bit nervous. Friends will be found, and together you may perform some of your own “outrageous” activities (maybe not drunken building-scaling, but wearing a funky hat can sometimes be a wild thing to do).

An Aquinas resident in 2013, Tommy, was notorious for his ginger afro-esque hairdo. During the last few weeks of second semester, Tommy finally got a haircut on the sly. That evening he presented himself to the dining hall, and all students present broke out into a round of applause. A similar incident occurred in 2012 at Hayward when a friend took a male resident who was well overdue for a trim to get the chop-treatment. Upon his return to the college, the boy’s hallway was lined with fellow residents all eager to see the transformation and touch his newly tousled tresses. Where else but in a residential college would people be so supportive of a hairstyle change? Some call it a sub-sector of Stockholm syndrome, but others call it “friendship”.

The antics will continue in 2015, and let’s hope this year’s freshers bring us some good stories for the history books.