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There are a lot of stupid lyrics about, from the nonsensical to the downright disingenuous (Rebecca Black’s “Friday” comes to mind). An avid listener of music with “inspiring” lyrics, Josh Hercus rates the 7 stupidest song lyrics.
Song: Hootie and the Blowfish – “Only Wanna Be With You”
Lyrical mishap: Sometimes you're crazy and you wonder why
I'm such a baby
'Cause the Dolphins make me cry
What kind of loser tries to write a romantic song that incorporates his emotional sensitivity to dolphins? Is this meant to be one of those attempts at opening up your heart so that women will open their pants? If so, you’d think he’d use a more rational, less wimpy fear. Like fear of clowns or the bathrooms in Metro.

 
Song: Foxy Brown – “Affirmative Action”
Lyrical mishap: Thirty-two grams raw, chop it in half, get sixteen, double it times three
We got forty-eight, which mean a whole lot of cream
Divide the profit by four, subtract it by eight
We back to sixteen, now add the other two that 'Mega bringin through
This is probably the most mathematically incorrect lyrics of all time. Critic’s resident mathematician, who happens to be an 8-year-old boy, confirmed that this entire equation is wrong at multiple levels. It also doesn’t help that the entire song is about as comprehensible as Ozzy Osborne reading Shakespeare.
 

Song: Emerson, Lake and Palmer – “Karn Evil 9 (First Impression, Part II)”
Lyrical mishap:  Performing on a stool
We've a sight to make you drool
Seven virgins and a mule
Keep it cool. Keep it cool.
This Seventies band, whose name sounds like some sort of mediocre law firm, has provided us with one of the best examples of rhyme crime. It is also evidence that our parents are wrong – music wasn’t “better back in the day” – this song is horrible and there are many, many more like it. The nonsensical rhyme you see above could just as easily be place in a song by that whining banshee Miley Cyrus.
 

Song: Canibus – “Funk Master Flex Freestyle”
Lyrical mishap: I can double my density from 360 degrees to 720 instantly
NO YOU CAN’T! BECAUSE YOU CAN’T MEASURE DENSITY WITH DEGREES YOU STUPID KNOBGOBLIN!
 

Song: Destiny’s Child (feat. Timbaland) – “Get on the Bus”
Lyrical mishap: Why you sleepin’ with ya eyes closed?
It’s not as if we were expecting anything insightful considering the artists involved, but come on! What kind of fucking question is this? Unless that was a question directed at someone who is dead or doesn’t have eyelids, this is an absurd thing to put in a song.
 

Song: Ludacris – “Coming 2 America”
Lyrical mishap: The royal penis is clean your highness
Thank you, king shit
You know, I spent a bit of time trying to come up with the appropriate dick joke for this lyric. But the truth is, there’s nothing to add. But really, what do you expect from a song that replaces words with numbers?
 

Song: Lil’ Wayne – “Pussy Monster”
Lyrical mishap: I'm da pussy monster, da pussy monster
Da pussy monster, da pussy monster
Girl, you gotta feed me, pussy, pussy
Pussy, pussy, pussy, pussy.
Now let me get back to her
She call me Dracula, and I'll vacuum her
Catfish, dat fish, dat cat, tuna
I'll smack it up flip it like a spatula
Dat lil' puss there runnin' so I'll tackle ya
Wow. That was quite a mouthful - in every sense of the word. Once again, Lil’ Wayne demonstrates that his songs are about as tasteful as a human centipede Christmas ornament. His attitude towards muff diving is brusquely laid out in this song. Sometimes I wonder how he even comes up with these songs/lyrics. I like to assume that he’s actually an extremely intelligent gentleman who sits in front of the fireplace in his lavish mansion, reading the National Geographic while wearing a full tuxedo with top hat and monocle. In a proper, high-class English accent, Wayne the Small says to his butler “George, I do say, I have come up with a splendid idea for a new serenade! It is called “Pussy Monster” and will portray my infatuation with cunnilingus.” George would reply “this sounds absolutely marvellous, old chap! You have always been quite the cunning linguist!” They would then merrily laugh. And then I’d wake up.