How does a flat 30 metres shy of the road find a car in its living room? In perhaps the most bat-shit crazy twist of the year, at around 7pm on Friday the 15th (may as well have been the 13th) the girls at Salt Shaker found themselves staring down the eye of an old beat-up grey wagon that had plunged through their living room wall.
The commotion instantly saw a crowd of 50+ flock to the scene of the crime where the girls stood laughing at the random intrusion on their red card plans. Curious onlookers could be seen poking their noses over fences on Cumberland St in wonderment at what could warrant three cop cars and a fire truck.
By the following Tuesday when we paid the flat a visit, the gaping hole in the wall had been filled. The girls told us that at 6:30pm on the night of the incident, they were (thankfully) upstairs getting ready for a red card. Then they heard it. “We just see this car in the wall, like… I had no idea what it was, so it was quite strange to be honest.” The freakiest part? They’d been sitting on the couch against said wall just five minutes prior.
Instantly the group reacted, calling the police and the landlord. One resident, Sophie, said that she told her landlord, “Oh I don’t really know what to say, you should probably come down. There’s a car in the living room.” Even though the group had caught their landlord in the middle of having a glass of wine with his wife (bless), he didn’t seem to be bothered by the whole thing, simply repeating the phrase, “I’m the lucky owner,” to the delight of the group of onlookers who had amassed.
While the crowd gathered outside the humble flat, likely drawn by a Castle23 post which raised a few eyebrows (“Can’t park there, mate”), was sizable, the culprit was nowhere to be seen. One resident, Maddy, told us, “I saw him sitting there for like 30 seconds after it happened, then he sprinted into his flat. I’m pretty sure he was just hiding in his room until the police came and wanted to talk to him.” The offender has been landed with a $15k invoice for their new wall, who was referred to only as ‘Little Niks’. Little nik on the side of the house, that’s for sure.
Maddy told Critic Te Ārohi, “When I first saw it, I thought, ‘God, it must be someone with some real hate towards our flat.’” Though Little Niks had had few interactions with the flat before that point, the girls also thought that if there was any hate in the neighbourhood it would likely be targeted at the raucous Debacle boys. But Little Niks has suggested that the accelerator was simply faulty and got stuck.
Yet redemption came for Little Niks when, in an attempt to make amends, he gifted the girls of Salt Shaker a box of favourites and a letter which reads as follows:
To neighbour,
I deeply apologise for crashing into your house.
I hope you don’t take a-fence. I hope we can meet on better terms.
Hope everything is okay.
With love, - little niks from next door
The repentant offender managed to sell his car to the wreckers for $900, so he only has $14,100 to go. At 9pm they also caught him in the act of smoking a durrie and munching pasta while wistfully staring at the carnage he had created, job well done.
The girls at the Salt Shaker may have lost their wall, but in doing this they’ve gained so much more. Maddy admitted to blowing up on TikTok as a result of the event, and a bond between the flat and Little Niks may have been permanently established. Critic can’t wait to attend the wedding in a year or two.