Critic is starting to suspect the Proctor has mistaken us for Dr Dolittle, as we’re kicking off this week with yet another animal story – this time involving the exciting chase of a loose rabbit. At least it wasn’t a loose pussy; nobody would be interested in chasing that.
Campus Watch were called to Montgomery Ave to pursue the, by all accounts quite friendly, rabbit, described in the incident report as Briar and Peter’s brother Roger. Attempts to lure Roger with lettuce leaves from Campus Watch’s lunch were unsuccessful, at which point they stealthily started following a trail of rabbit poo that Roger had left behind. The Hansel and Gretel approach of hunting down the bunny was ultimately a fail, so Roger Rabbit is presumably still on the loose. Roast rabbit anyone?
Unfortunately for Critic, the Rugby World Cup hasn’t caused too many disasters so far, with the messiest affair to date being the giant black penis located in the Octagon seemingly jizzing a ridiculous amount of foam on the Saturday night of the Argentina game.
In even more sinister incident, an all-girl flat on Grange St has reported a Peeping Tom, and the Proctor is urging students to draw their curtains in the evening. He recommends locking windows and using clothes pegs on the curtains if necessary, as there are some serious perverts out there.
Meanwhile, in a fairly bizarre turn of events an Otago graduate who lost her wallet in England two years ago has had it returned to the Proctor. The boomerang purse was lost in Kings Cross and has made its way back to the homeland just over two years later. The graduate is now a staff member at the University, and is no doubt having real giggles over her old ID card picture if it looks anything like ours.
Proctology - 24
