News

The election results for the 2012 OUSA Executive were announced last Thursday evening at 5pm in the Gazebo Lounge. Incumbent President Logan Edgar retained his position as the most powerful scarfie on campus, with another full year in office to look forward to.

Edgar dominated the Presidential race with 2454 votes, attracting 68% of the votes cast for the position. Runner-up Daniel Benson-Guiu received 909 votes, managing just over 25% of the votes cast. Upon hearing the announcement that he had won Edgar proclaimed, “I feel like my penis has grown an extra 2mm.” Edgar then worked out that this was fuck all, especially in the scheme of a normal human penis, and tried to change it to a metric inch. Critic wasn’t having a bar of this, and wished the First Lady a happy night of celebrations by sending her a 6-inch dildo. Sources indicated she had no idea what to do with a toy of this size.
 
Edgar thanked Benson-Guiu immediately following the announcement of the results, describing him as “a bloody good bloke. He never said a bad word about me”. Edgar added, “The only thing I was concerned about was that people suddenly hated Logan Edgar. But they don’t. So that’s good”. He also said that a disqualification would have thrown a bit of a spanner in the works, but Returning Officer Jono Rowe had already thanked candidates for the “positive atmosphere and attitude” they brought to the campaign, so no worries there.
 
An impressive total of 3590 votes were cast in the election. Rowe thanked the current OUSA Executive, staff and volunteers for “getting such a high turnout.” Rowe said the amount of votes cast indicated “the student body sees OUSA as increasingly relevant, even in light of VSM”. Meanwhile Critic wondered if Rowe understands statistics and the probability of aberrant results. We certainly don’t.
 
Edgar attributes the high voter turnout to his election campaign video, in which Chopper Reid threatened to shit in the letterbox of anyone that didn’t vote for Edgar, and a naked Lozz Holding partially exposed his genitals.
 
Edgar confirmed that he had some big plans for 2012 in the pipeline. He is plotting “some very fucking sick parties. It’s going to be like Rhythm and Vines, but at a Castle Street flat.”
 
Edgar’s younger brother, Ryan Edgar, edged out former Executive member Dan Stride for the Finance and Services Officer position, winning by a mere 144 votes, or 4% of the total votes cast. Baby Edgar also ran unopposed and won the Colleges and Communications Officer position, which will trigger a by-election at the start of 2012 should he decide to take up the Finance and Service Officer position.
 
Current Executive members Art Kojarunchitt and Francisco Hernandez were elected to the posts of Administrative Vice President and Welfare Officer respectively. Aaspreet Boparai ran unopposed for the Education Officer position, and took out 70% of the total votes cast. Blake Luff won the position of Recreation Officer, and the 2012 Postgraduate Representative is Victoria Koszowski.
 
The three referenda questions all passed with the required quorum. As such the OUSA General Levy is set at $0 for 2012, the proposed Budget has been accepted by the student body, and the broken Constitution is now supposedly fixed with acceptance of the new version.
 
Aimee Gulliver