Critic has been informed by “people in the know” that Dunedin’s Forsyth Barr Stadium is sinking on its foundations.
Built on reclaimed land, which requires buildings to have floating foundations, it is believed that when steel was added to the monstrous construction it immediately began to sink. This has resulted in cracks throughout the concrete flooring, some as wide as 0.5m, and Speight’s swappa-crates being used to prop up the ailing structure.
A DCC spokesperson told Critic, “I can state categorically that the stadium is not sinking. Well, not much. Nice weather we’re having. While we’re on the subject, would you like to come and have your photo taken with the Ranfurly Shield?”
It is understood that Councillor Bill Acklin decided not to run for council again after learning of the issues, having been an ardent supporter of the notorious money drain. Then again, unconfirmed reports suggest that Acklin was drunk when he voted for the stadium, and further unconfirmed reports suggest that Acklin is, in fact, drunk of all the time.
“I was wondering why I was slipping so easily at the Illuminate Paint Party,” one student told Critic when she heard. “I mean, I know paint’s slippery and all, but an angle in the floor would make so much sense!”
Critic also spoke with a Generation Zero spokesperson, who said that “this is a common problem in the developed world. Building up is bringing us down, man!
“With global sea levels falling, this was always going to happen on floating foundations.”
No injuries have been reported, although one North East Valley child is believed to have gone missing while visiting with his babysitter. DCC officials plan to begin searching somewhere beneath the Earth’s crust, as they concede that there are “lots of gaps” in the area.
Forsyth Barr Stadium May Be Sinking
