All that glistens is not gold after a lecturer in HUBS192 tricked a bunch of first year health scis into thinking a group of third years drank his urine.
Following the great nude chicken dash of first semester, lecturer Andrew Bahn has taken up the mantle of everyone’s favourite sport – having a good laugh at freshers’ expense. In the St David lecture theatre, Dr Bahn and several of his third year students each dramatically downed a specimen jar of what they claimed was his urine, supposedly to prove its sterility.
The health scis were observed to be in a state of dead-eyed horror upon leaving the lecture theatre, so we can safely say the display had no significant effect on their mental state. However, we can certainly assume that the Carrington bathrooms were filled with students gulping from the golden fountain later that evening in the hopes of absorbing a superior knowledge of the renal system.
Presumably out of concern that an article like this would appear, Dr Bahn informed the class the next day that the performance had been a hoax, easing the mind of most but undoubtedly leaving a few highly disappointed and regretting the golden excesses of the night before. Regardless, Critic is thrilled to see Ruth Napper and her chewed up carrot finally given some competition for the most unsettling moment of HSFY.
The third years involved took credit for the idea, with one claiming that they had all come up with the idea in a 300-level lab, saying it “took a bit of convincing; but finally got him on board to let us drink his piss (lemon juice) in a lecture to fuck with the health scis. Anyone with half a functioning brain would have realised it wasn’t his piss, but [further health sci abuse] and they actually bought the prank”.
Hopefully this will inspire the other HSFY lecturers and such antics will provide an ever-flowing spring of very easy Critic articles.