News

It was a relatively uneventful week on Castle Street as mid-semester tests proved to be more effective fun sponges than Campus Watch. Luckily there are some students who don’t aim to get marks high up the alphabet and who give us our week’s entertainment.
In one particularly cringe-worthy incident, a flat of boys decided it was haircut time and got the clippers out. Obviously it takes a bit of trust to let one of the boys give you a trim and this trust was shattered when one of the stylists “slipped” and gave his flatmate a vicious receding hairline. As a result the guy, who already looked like he was 40, now shares a hair style with Vin Diesel. In retaliation for the skux cut, Vin used his hairstylist’s bed as a urinal on Saturday night. He was obviously really “pissed off” LOL.
 

Congratulations are in order for one skux who managed to pull off the double banger. He had been on the prowl all night, laying down the ground work on one pretty keen girl, when all of a sudden another opportunity arose that couldn’t be turned down. He quickly put his groundwork on hold with target one and went for a quickie with target two. Once the deed was done with target two, he snuck across the road to continue with his spade work with the original target. By some miracle he succeeded with target two whilst target one left him a nice pool of spew to clean up in the morning.

 
The frequency of people firetrucking seems to have increased a lot in the past two weeks. Seeing sheets on washing lines is becoming as disturbingly common as girls wearing NRL shorts. In other disturbing news, one flat is mourning the premature loss of a special something. If his life wasn’t taken too soon he would have had them laughing for hours, made food taste amazing and given the flat a nice aroma. Unfortunately an impromptu visit from the cops saw the demise of the extra flatmate as the flat’s prized herb garden was seized and brutally destroyed. Thank God Mrs Wong is catering to the street’s demand for Kronic.

 
Finally, there has been an increase in the amount of banter-related thievery with flat emblems and mascots going missing at an increasing rate. Ladders and wonkeys are two highly prized gems that have been seized, with their owners seeking revenge. To find the ladder it could be as simple as following the honey back to the hive. Watch this space.