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Posted 4:55am Monday 23rd August 2010

Top 5 Artists Who Would Could Out-Scarfie Any Scarfie Some people are such loose units that they deserve to be called honorary Scarfies. Here is a handful of them.      5. Caravaggio: This Italian Renaissance artist murdered a young man named Ranuccio Tomassoni in 1606 Read more...

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Posted 1:59am Monday 23rd August 2010

Top 5 Reasons Why Celebrities Shouldn't Endorse Things    This magazine is called the Critic. Not the goddamn Complimenter. So that’s what I’m going to do: criticise those celebrities who deserve it.      5. It can go horribly wrong. Celebrities are a Read more...

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Posted 2:19am Monday 9th August 2010

Top 5 Necessary Characteristics To Produce The Ultimate Religious Cult       Did you know that ‘Brian Tamaki’ is a perfect anagram for ‘I am a bit rank’? Coincidence? I think not. He is pretty fucking rank.      5. Money: Read more...

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Posted 1:30am Monday 26th July 2010

Top 5 Strangest Sexual Fetishes Some people enjoy watching people sleep. Others enjoy much more refined things, such as having small Asian females yelling profanities at their genitals in an oriental dialect (you know who you are!). But some of these fetishes take “whatever floats your Read more...

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Posted 3:41am Tuesday 20th July 2010

Top 5 Ways To Get Rid Of A Bad Root This one is for the ladies. Surely many of you have taken a guy home that was so bad in the sack that you just wish it would end. Well, here are a few techniques to speed up that process. These happen to me all the time so I can assure you that they work. Read more...

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Posted 12:20am Monday 12th July 2010

Top 5 Nearly Forgotten Scarfie Traditions There’s been so much whining about how Scarfies are a dying breed. But like most things in life, there’s no point whining about it – you’ve got to do something about it! However, if you’re going to do these, be aware Read more...

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Posted 10:32pm Sunday 11th July 2010

Top 5 Kiwi Sayings That We Don’t Actually Say My mates went overseas for a bit last year and started sharing New Zealand culture with foreigners. By sharing our culture, I mean they got pissed and went around fabricating Kiwi sayings. They even managed to convince a whole lot of foreigners Read more...

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Posted 8:40pm Sunday 11th July 2010

Top 5 Most Annoying Types of People on Facebook The weirdest part is that most of these people aren’t your ‘friends’, they’re just people you added out of obligation. Now you have to deal with their annoying habits.   5. The Group Joiner: I hate it when Read more...

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Posted 4:32pm Sunday 11th July 2010

Top 5 Reasons Why I Should Get Paid To Write This Column Writing these columns is hard work, you know. First I have to get drunk. Then I have write some poorly constructed sentences with immature statements, which some call ‘humour’. Then I have to research shit sometimes. Life is Read more...

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Posted 3:37pm Sunday 11th July 2010

Top 5 Ways To Score A Fresher The way to a woman’s heart is long and arduous. Fresher girls are no different. Since this is the best and only advice column in Critic, I thought I’d share a guide on scoring a fresher.   5. Get to know her: If you’re even going to Read more...