The Great Critic Pub Crawl

Posted 5:12pm Sunday 11th August 2019

My loves, I am writing this to you from a pit of deep despair: my bathroom floor. I’ve been here for what feels like hours. It’s the early morning and I can see the sun rise if I position my head at a three quarter angle over the toilet bowl. It’s a beautiful day. I wrench the last Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Water

Posted 4:33pm Sunday 11th August 2019

Alcohol is great and all, but you know what’s better? Staying hydrated. The ol’ H20, baby. This one goes out to all you water lovers in the house tonight. Water was first invented by Speight’s in 1998. Fun fact, that spring water tap was actually created as an April Fools joke Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Kahlúa

Posted 8:08pm Sunday 4th August 2019

Have you ever woken up in the morning and thought to yourself ‘I want a very, very mediocre cappuccino’ (and can’t be bothered walking to Good Earth)? When the urge strikes, I go straight to Kahlúa. Kahlúa is a coffee flavoured liqueur, for those of you who are Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Pepe Lopez Gold Tequila

Posted 4:34am Friday 26th July 2019

My dear readers, recently I found out some devastating news. Masterchef Australia has lost its three beautiful judges: George, Matt and Gary. For those of you that are fans of the beloved cooking show, this will come as a blow that may never be truly recovered from. With the weight of these Read more...

Booze Reviews: Bacardi White Rum

Posted 4:52pm Friday 19th July 2019

Fuck me, but Bacardi White Rum can get it. It being my glazed doughnut genitalia, of course. This smooth, succulent motherfucker of a drink is more jam packed with accents of vanilla and almond than you can shake a baby at. It’s flavour-town, my dudes, and we’re going straight to the Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Old Mout Cider

Posted 6:09pm Thursday 11th July 2019

At some point in your university education, you will inevitably go through a cider phase. Most fools automatically reach for the bright, garish Scrumpy, but a few - the few who dare to dream bigger - will dip their toes into the sparkling waters of Old Mout Cider. Drinking Old Mout is what I imagine Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Midori

Posted 11:01pm Thursday 4th July 2019

Okay, so basically Midori is some green-as-shit melon-flavoured liquor. Remember that gummy bear song on YouTube? This bitch-ass drink is the living embodiment of reliving your childhood of dry humping soft toys and listening to the Annoying Orange while your parents got a divorce in the Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Ivanov Vodka

Posted 8:40pm Thursday 23rd May 2019

Ivanov Vodka is THAT bitch. A trustworthy, hard to find, bitch. She’s got your back when everyone at the party’s talking about how you slept with so-and-so, and will probably scream in the hostess’ face about third wave feminism. Ivanov Vodka is the cheapest vodka on the block, but Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Billy Maverick

Posted 11:53pm Thursday 16th May 2019

Those who can’t make friends, write booze reviews. Those who can’t drink beer, drink Billy Mavs. Billy Mavs is, in a nutshell, a bogan drink for classy people. Did you attend Kings College? Perhaps John McGlashan High School? Maybe even St Andrew’s College? Then chances are you Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Malibu

Posted 8:05pm Thursday 9th May 2019

You should only drink Malibu if you never, under any circumstances, are the one paying for it. Yes, it’s fruity and delicious. Yes, drinking it makes me want to show everyone my cute new bra at a party. But Jesus Christ, it is expensive for what little alcohol it holds. Buying Malibu at a Read more...