Horoscopes: Week 12

Posted 2:56pm Sunday 19th May 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Uranus is drawing you to social activism and meaningful connections this week. Check out what cool Facebook events are on and get involved – you never know who you'll meet. Actually go to the weird raves and slam poetry sessions you click ‘interested in’ to seem cool Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 11

Posted 4:35pm Saturday 11th May 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, this week you will reconnect with someone you haven't thought about for a long time. This person will be the Tom to your Jerry, even if just for a night. Remember to just go with the flow and you won't be led astray. Scent of the week: Dior Sauvage mixed with 3-day-old Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 10

Posted 7:49pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Critic

Aquarius This week you’ll feel a sense of calm washing over you, like lapping waves. It may be you, or it could be the bag of ket you stumbled upon. Keep your head in the gutter and you never know what you might find.  Patronus: Hector's Dolphin Pisces Pisces, just because Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 9

Posted 9:17pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius The tension in your life is building and you feel like you're going to explode. Try going for a run around the harbour, sinking 12 cones, or having a good wank. Take a load off, I’m begging you.  Brand Deal: Smirnoff Pisces Stop pretending you know everything and start Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 5:05pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquarius, you have been busy, and it’s showing. The dark circles and chapped lips aren't cute. Sometimes taking a night off the booze is a good idea so you won't look 20 going on 35. Your turn on: Netflix adaptation of Wattpad porn Pisces A bad week is in the cards for Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 1:19pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You’re at a crossroads this week. Either accept that you have tummy issues and swap to oat milk or shit yourself in the most embarrassing place possible: three metres away from the bouncer outside U-Bar.  Strain of weed to try: Sour Diesel Pisces You take a creative Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 8:28pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Critic

Aquarius When life gives you lemons, make a vodka LLB (lemon, lime and bitters), sit back and watch the world burn. There is nothing you can do to save those plebs. Your morning mantra: I am healthy, I am wealthy Pisces You are very aware of your surroundings this week. While your intuition is Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 5

Posted 3:04pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Your rizz is at an all-time high. Now’s the time to start talking to your lecturers and tutors nicely. Build that relationship so that when you inevitably forget to hand in assignments, there isn't too much blowback. Sexy-time song: ‘Close’ by Nick Jonas ft. Tove Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 5:10pm Sunday 17th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius Aquababes, you are levelling up and recognising your worth. Financially you're doing amazing, finally curbing that wee spending habit. Stay focused and remember: just because it's on sale, that doesn't mean you're losing money if you don't buy it. Sweet treat of the Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:27pm Sunday 10th March 2024 by Critic

Aquarius You have a good head on your shoulders, so why are you leading them on? It’s not like you to be so flaky with romance and friendships. Figure out what you want and commit – it won’t be easy, but it’s better than the guilt, Aquarius.  Habit to pause: Hitting Read more...