Aquarius
Time to sit back, relax, and think about the Roman Empire.
Area to self-improve on: Being rational and deploying logic.
Pisces
Say goodbye to your people pleaser era, Pisces. You have been far too kind and tolerant of other people’s shit. It’s time to set radical boundaries. Spread hate, not love.
Area to self-improve on: Being more of a douchebag.
Aries
It’s kinda weird that you feel the need to change your entire personality depending on who you hang out with. External validation is cringe, embrace your own insanity.
Area to self-improve on: Your bank account.
Taurus
When communicating with others, remember to talk TO people, rather than AT people. You kinda come across as a dick, no offence. Other people's feelings matter. Shocking, right?
Area to self-improve on: Having less audacity.
Gemini
All the best bitches are Geminis. Keep being your gorgeous, flamboyant selves. Treat yourself to some bagels this week.
Area to self-improve on: Having stronger opinions.
Cancer
Your inability to realise your own goals and dreams means you’re getting stuck in the past. It’s time to embrace new cycles of life and take the road less travelled.
Area to self-improve on: Embracing chaos.
Leo
You really do give zero fucks, keep up the good work.
Area to self-improve on: Being more in touch with your emotions.
Virgo
Watch out, because you’ve got trouble in paradise. Your unattainable standards and perfectionist tendencies are causing tension and feelings of resentment in your personal life.
Area to self-improve on: Cooking more at home.
Libra
IT’S JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS.
Area of self-improve on: Ignoring the haters.
Scorpio
Stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is for having fun and enjoying the micro-joys, stop stressing the small stuff.
Area to self-improve on: Accepting normality.
Sagitarius
With the Spring equinox here, it’s time to engage in some Sagittarian activities. Watch the sunrise at the beach, eat a nice peach, smoke some cigarettes, and fuck your ex!
Area to self-improve on: Stop running away from your problems.
Capricorn
Jeff Bezos is a Capricorn. Do with that information what you will.
Area to self-improve on: Constant power-tripping.