For Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori from September 16th-22nd, Critic Te Ārohi’s orb reads the maramataka – a calendar highlighting the connection between the moon and our well-being. The energy levels are caused by the gravitational forces of Te Ra, Marama, and Whenua.
Rāhina – Atua Whakahaehae
The Orb's advice: The beauty of life has been getting away from you, lately. Make sure to whip out your phone and take an obnoxious amount of beach sunset pics. While there, try embodying your 8-year-old self and picking up seven pieces of rubbish before you leave. This is a medium-energy day, so be sure to not over-exert yourself by posting more than once on your Instagram story.
On Rāhina we eat at least three kinds of legumes. Gut health is gut wealth.
Rātū – Turu
The Orb’s advice: A big haerenga (journey) awaits you – time to get planning. Today is a high-energy day so make lists, get colour-coding, and ensure that you have packed enough undies! You never know what eating too many kinds of beans will do to a person's bowels, and Rātū is way too early in the week to shit your pants.
On Rātū we scream at people wearing skinny jeans.
Rāapa – Te Rākaunui (Full Moon)
The Orb’s advice: Today is a full moon, meaning emotions are heightened. This day could make or break your week, so ensure that you are feeling productive and getting out there to carpe diem! As a high-energy day and a Wednesday, it would be rude to not host the best pres ever, take the flat to Pint Night, and camp at the front of the mosh.
On Rāapa we don’t turn into werewolves (bitches) and are kind to those around us.
Rāpare – Takirau
The Orb’s advice: Time to refresh and relax. As a medium energy day, use this time to get that spring cleaning done. Change those sheets, clean that cone piece, and wipe the mould from your windows. Speaking of windows… maybe open them every once in a while.
On Rāpare we read the news. And not just Critic’s news section – we beg of you!
Rāmere – Oike
The Orb’s advice: Friday is a medium energy day, and it will almost definitely be the most boring of the week. Nothing special will happen organically – you’ll have to seek it out yourself. Try to give back to the people who have given so much to you. Maybe send your mum flowers or thank your lecturer as you walk out of the room.
On Rāmere we don’t walk on the grass, we use the footpaths.
Rāhoroi – Korekore Tautahi
The Orb’s advice: Sleep the day away and skip the trip to town. Nothing good can come of alcohol being the only liquid you consume today. As a low energy day, try challenging yourself to take the least amount of steps possible. Having a productive Saturday is overrated – with exam season just round the bend, bed rot while you still can.
On Rāhoroi we eat two-minute noodles and drink litres of fizzy (a balanced diet).
Rātapu – Korekore Rawea
The Orb’s advice: Low energy Sundays mean eating as many dry Weetbix as you can, followed by drinking a bottle of milk. Get creative with ways to make your life a bit easier, whether that is sleeping in tomorrow's outfit or making a week's worth of sandwiches in one go. Setting yourself up for an easier week will never be something you regret.
On Rātapu we take everything showers so long our flatmates start talking shit about us.