Columns

Like any good parent, the ODT played its part in ensuring that little Ava didn’t find out the truth after her pet lamb Larry was found burned and dumped on a doorstep. Like the tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny, Larry’s true story will remain untold. God forbid that the two-year-old will ever track down a copy of the ODT to see that Larry’s holiday was truly a bon voyage.



But if Ava ever suspects anything untoward about Larry’s disappearance, her investigations might uncover that Fergie was lying when she said a little party never killed nobody.



Princesses, fairies and angels alongside prisoners and scarecrows? No, it’s not some kinky role-play dreamed up by an intimacy-deprived prisoner. However great a dream that would be for any intimacy-deprived inmate, the only princess found here will be on the ice-skating rink. Sorry boys, you can bring that one up with the Department of Corrections.




And as for the downfalls of public transport, that rascal Humphrey Catchpole can rest assured that the free bus for Gold Card holders is back. What a shame he missed the bus because the Gold Card holder’s period hadn’t begun.