Columns

Each week Critic wants to hear from you if you’re struggling to approach the man or woman of your dreams. Does she always sit on that front row seat and give the lecturer far more attention than you’re comfortable with? Does he stroll past your window each morning and your only attempts at getting his attention have been taking a little longer to put clothes on?

Flick your stories to crush@critic.co.nz

Ever since I took the Buzzfeed quiz on ‘When Will You Meet Your Soul Mate” I knew it was meant to be. Buzzfeed never lies. NEVER. Buzzfeed told me that I will find my one and only in my lectures.

I don’t know who you are, but I want to find out. Please, don’t be shy, otherwise I will cry. Every time a boy sits beside, in front, behind or even when my lecturer makes eye contact, my heart skips a few beats (although… that could be my arrhythmia). Is it you? I whisper. Could it be? I wonder. I’ve never fancied myself as a home wrecker but, for you, I could be.

But here’s a little about me so you don’t think I’m weird. I’m smart enough to be at uni, scraping UE from NCEA. I owe my success to persistent determination and the Buzzfeed quizzes that have made me what I am today.

For those that are interested, I’ll tell you what Buzzfeed said was my favourite sex position. I had to Google it...

My time is running out. My clock is ticking. The hours we can spend together are slipping away. For you see, my mum says I have limited talents. However, my uterus is hospitable and it’s all yours for five easy payments of $29.99.

I hang out at ‘The Hub’ – if you don’t know where that is, it’s the darkest corner in Central Library. As a result I’m pretty pale and Student Health told me that I need the D.

Don’t worry, if you see me, you’ll know who I am.
Otherwise if in doubt, pout it out.