Dear Ethel,
I’m worried about my flatmate. Last Friday he was walking home by himself from Central just after 10pm and a carload of people pulled over and started yelling at him. He’s Kiwi Chinese and they were going off at him, telling him to fuck off home etc. He ran for it because he was scared they were going to start in on him. Now I can see he’s really depressed and he feels like a coward for running. And he won’t go out at night, even if he’s with friends. He’s spending most of his time in his room. What can we do?
-Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
It’s great that your flatmate was comfortable enough to let you know what had happened. Racism, in all of its forms, is right down there with the lowest of the low.
What you can do is be there for him. Acknowledge his experience. Let him know that his response to the situation was valid and sensible, not in any way cowardly. Perhaps you could ask him who or what has helped him get through other difficult situations? Does he have a trusted family member, mentor or someone else he could talk this through with? Ask him if there’s anything you can do to help.
One of the nasty side-effects of racial abuse is that the targeted person often feels ashamed and doesn’t want to re-live or even acknowledge the experience. That may be why your flatmate is spending so much time in his room. Encourage him to think about talking to a professional counsellor. Sometimes that’s easier said than done. Not only did a scary thing happen, but it’s scary to seek (or need) help! There are amazing counsellors around who are very experienced in dealing with the emotional and psychological consequences of this sort of abuse though. They could help your flatmate with practical strategies to overcome trauma and reclaim his ‘real’ life, including going out whenever.
There are formal avenues that can be pursued in these cases too. Depending on where the event occurred and whether or not students were involved, a report can always be made to the Proctor or the Police. However, I acknowledge that these avenues are often exposing for the targeted person and that reporting won’t change what has occurred. It is an option though.
Tell him he can drop in to OUSA Student Support Centre in Ethel Benjamin Place if he wants to. Our advocates are not counsellors but they’re friendly, confidential, and great at looking after people and finding ways to make things better! You are also welcome to drop in and have a chat about how we can support you to help your flatmate. Sending lots of love to you all.
xox Ethel