Sore Throat - A single treatment with kerosene oil will usually be sufficient to cure the worst case of sore throat.
Toothache - Saturate cotton with kerosene and insert it in the tooth. It will generally afford speedy recovery.
Speedy cure for colds - The kerosene oil remedy will cure most persons of a cold more speedily that any other remedy. It may be taken on sugar. Some people take half a tablespoon or over at a dose. Apply externally to neck and chest.
Burns - Kerosene will extract the fire from burns in many people more readily than any other remedy. It should be applied freely. Saturate cloths with it and bind on the parts and occasionally renew.
Bruises - Wet a cloth with petroleum and apply to the bruised parts and occasionally renew it the same way. It removes the soreness and promotes healing. It is a “Balm in Gilead” to those having crushed hands or fingers; it speedily abates pain and aids in healing the wound.
To remove dandruff - Apply kerosene oil mixed with glycerine, freely rubbing well into the roots of the hair. Use once a day until the dandruff disappears.
Snakebites - Bind cloth wet with kerosene on the wound and keep it wet. If wound is not fresh and open, make a small incision across the wound before applying the kerosene, also take internally a tablespoonful of kerosene.
Lung disease - Some surprising and unexpected cures of this disease have been made by timely use of this remedy, but this is one of the diseases that, when cured, has to be taken in its very earliest stages.
Piles (haemorrhoids) - Coal oil has proven a very excellent remedy for the treatment of this disease. To be applied by means of injection (enema) twice daily.
Asthma - It has recently been discovered that kerosene will cure the worst form of this disease. It has been the means of curing persons who sometimes for weeks in succession could not get any sleep except when they would stand up in a corner of the room. Apply the oil to the neck and chest twice a day and at the same time pour a small quantity into the hands, rubbing them together then inhaling the fumes. Do this standing up, drawing the fumes as strongly as possible into both the mouth and nostrils. Repeat every three hours.
This information was taken from Vitalogy, a real medical book published in 1923. This column is for entertainment only and should not be taken as advice by anyone, ever.