Dear Ethel and Hyde,
So a couple of weeks ago I went to this big post-exam blow out party with my flatties. We preloaded at home and were on form when we arrived. I got talking with this guy I recognised from one of my classes. He was pretty flirty and after few more drinks he suggested we go back to his. On the walk to his flat I vaguely remember having to push him off me a couple of times because he kept trying to make out (and more) in the street. It’s quite hazy from that point. I don’t remember at any point saying no or yes, but can’t recall what happened at his flat. I woke up in his bed the next morning and quickly left. I don’t want to see him again, but have this bad feeling he’ll be in at least one of my semester 2 classes. Usually I would brush this kind of thing off but I can’t stop thinking about it. Even just walking around campus I’m worried I’ll see him. What can I do to stop feeling this way?
Yours uncertainly,
Girl in a turmoil
Ethel and Hyde is brought to you by the Student Support Centre. They advise you to take Ethel’s advice.
Send your questions to:
ethelandhyde@ousa.org.nz
Ethel says:
There are several issues I want to talk about regarding your brave disclosure and question. Firstly, I'm not sure if you're aware, but legally no one is able to consent to a sexual activity if they are drunk. Also be aware that you cannot ‘consent’ if you are asleep or unconscious, no matter what you may have agreed to before, and it doesn’t matter if you had previously said "yes" or “no”. Both sexual assault and rape are very serious crimes, which can take a tremendous toll on the victim, even when they try and brush it off. Although you’re unsure of the details of what happened once you got inside, if you feel as though something took place, then I really encourage you to talk to someone, such as a counsellor at Student Health or the support workers at Rape Crisis Dunedin about how to work through your feelings and trepidation at seeing this person again. Your fear of seeing them is a normal reaction to such an experience; similar feelings might include mood swings, self-doubt, anxiety, and depression. Coming into the OUSA Student Support Centre may be another way of beginning to address the situation.
Thank you for being willing to ask this question as the situation you’ve been in and are still dealing with is a relatively common issue for a significant proportion of our population, both female and male. Best wishes to you moving through this emotional experience.
Hyde says:
Itching pustulating sore of a feeble hooch filled skin bag could’ve smeared some sick cells across the divide. Without the benefit of a time machine to go back and keep your booty at that party, avoiding the whole alcohol fuelled lecherous attack, you need to go get yourself swabbed to check none of the nasties have moved into your vjayjay to start a new colony. This is NOT your fault!
We friends, have a DUTY to bring DOWN the MYTH that makes dirty fucking FUCKERS act on URGES with folks who ain’t got no sense in their heads COS THEY DROWNED IT with nectar. Bring in the P.R.A.T. team, Protect with Reality check by Accompanying and Terminating sexual misadventures. Before heading out to any more parties create your own PRAT team, or call 0800PRAT. Equipped with jelly shots the PRAT team member approaches an identified potential perpetrator flirting and/or fondling some drunken innocent, and gives them a jelly shot laced with an audiopill, which is a miniature speaker which will be activated in their digestive tract causing music to ricochet through their body. Make sure to install it with ‘The Most Unwanted Song’, which starts of kindabad and heads into previously unrecorded echelons of hideosity over 21 minutes. The aim of a PRAT is to INTERVENE, and be that someone who will Protect the vulnerable, provide a reality check past the beer goggles, Accompany you if you’re headin’ out the door with someone prepared to take advantage of you, and ultimately terminate any sexual advances you are in no legal condition to handle. Be a PRAT and break the game, you might not be thanked at the time, but you will MAKE IT CLEAR there is no place for this typa FuckMunster on our patch.