Aquarius

Jan 20 - Feb 18

You need sleep, tequila, and the ability to learn what quiet hours are. 

Breakfast to have: Greek yoghurt bowl. 

 

Pisces

Feb 19 - Mar 20

Pisces women are like Taylor Swift. Every time a man wrongs you, you just get hotter and more famous. Maybe release a new album? 

Breakfast to have: Croissants and jam, you boujee being. 

 

Aries

Mar 21 - Apr 19

It’s your motherfucking season!!! Crank the motherfucking tunes!!! Unleash upon the streets of North Dunedin!!! You are the main character!!!

Breakfast to have: Coffee and a vape.

 

Taurus

Apr 20 - May 20

You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

Breakfast to have: Scrambled eggs on fresh bakery bread. 

 

Gemini

May 21 - Jun 20

As Doja Cat once said, you can't trust a big butt and a Gemini! This means you’ll be telling lots of half-truths soon. Be careful.

Breakfast to have: Protein shake.

 

Cancer

Jun 21 - July 22

Gotten a few messages that I’ve been a bit too mean to Cancers lately, and it’s made some of y’all upset. Guess that proves my point exactly. 

Breakfast to have: Avocado toast. 

 

Leo

July - Aug 22

You are the human embodiment of a seagull. Squawking and invasive. Shame you can’t fly away.

Breakfast to have: Cold french fries. 

 

Virgo

Aug 23 - Sep 22

Speak your truth, besties! #beproud #bebold 

Breakfast to have: Hazelnut coffee and toast. 

 

Libra

Sep 23 - Oct 22

Always shocks me that your symbol is the scales, because nothing about your life is balanced. May be a good indication of your love for reptilians, though.

Breakfast to have: Dispensary breakfast burrito. 

 

Scorpio

Oct 23 - Nov 21

It’s a self-care week for you all. Buy some flowers, have a nap, blackout in the Octagon. Whatever feels right. 

Breakfast to have: Eight hashbrowns. 

 

Sagittarius

Nov 22 - Dec 21

Wake up, scream into the void, then sleep again. Time is made up, nothing matters. 

Breakfast to have: Pasta. 

 

Capricorn

Dec 22 - Jan 19

Sick of being your group's therapist? Start giving out stupid fucking advice and watch people ruin their lives instead. You deserve some entertainment. 

Breakfast to have: Banana pancakes