Culture

Grab your carabiners and flex those limp wrists! In honour of the Queer Issue, Critic Te Ārohi can look through its crystal ball and determine which mish-mash of gay stereotypes you are. 

For each question you’ll get a stereotype. Put it together at the end to get your unique combination. 

Q1: Time for a night out, what's your drink of choice tonight?

1. Speight’s Summit Ultras – trying to appear straight for the bros
2. Gin and Tonics – classy, but also giving wanker
3. Cleanskin Sav – won’t be remembering the night ahead
4. Hyoketsu – embracing the basic in you tonight
5. A vodka-cran pre-mix with a disturbing vodka to cran ratio – emotional prep for all the freshers you’ll encounter in town

Q2: You spot a hottie at a flat party, but you’re pretty sure they’re mates with your ex. What’s the game plan?

1. Abort mission! Dunedin’s already small enough 
2. Gaslight yourself into thinking they don’t like your ex either 
3. Own the past relationship and show you’re cooler (and hotter?) 
4. Go for it and cross your fingers they haven’t talked shit about you 
5. Recruit a friend/wingman to gauge the vibes first 

Q3: You’ve just been put on aux, what song are you queuing first?

1. ‘Club Classics’ – Charli XCX
2. ‘Good Luck Babe!’ – Chappell Roan
3. ‘Karma’ – JoJo Siwa 
4. ‘Baddadan’ – Chase & Status 
5. ‘Mr Brightside’ – The Killers 

Q4: It’s home time. What’s the go for a cheeky feed?

1. A Maccas-kiosk-curated feast
2. A Night n’ Day hot dog with an unlawful amount of tomato sauce 
3. Meat on chips (even though you’re ‘vegetarian’) 
4. Whatever leftovers you’ve scoured from the fridge at home 
5. Wait until the morning to UberEats a hungover feed (for an extortionate price)

Q5: It’s the morning after. What thought is running through your head?

1. Didn’t feel drunk enough, yet feel like shit 
2. I’m getting too old for this 
3. The hangxiety has never been worse 
4. I met the love of my life last night
5. I have new ops to avoid on campus 

Based on your answer to each question, chuck your answers together to see your own combination. Critic takes no responsibility for the stereotypes (especially if they apply to you).