If anyone were to take this list seriously and try any of these things, just test your stuff, know your limits, and be safe. Also do not try crack, it will never be as fun as you think.
Weed
Best: Butterfly Exhibit at the Museum
The butterfly room is an incredible place. It’s the most un-Dunedin thing that exists in Dunedin. The hot temperatures, the tropical plants, and friendly staff that check your back to make sure you’re not taking any butterflies home with you – it all combines to provide a truly beautiful experience. Now imagine that, but everything is more vibrant and magical. Life is so delicate and cosy. Absolutely the best place to be stoned in Dunedin. Unless, of course, you’re scared of spiders. Because they’ve got tarantulas in there too.
Worst: Lecture Theatre
Surprise! Your morning cone did not actually help you wake up and now it is time for your 1 o’clock lecture. You’ve zoned out for the last 20 minutes because you can only think about another cone, and suddenly your lecturer has called on you. Time to either awkwardly ask what the question was or just bullshit something and hope it's relevant. Maybe you should stop having cones to “help you focus” as much. You also reek of weed. Nightmare.
MD
Best: Laser Tag at Megazone
This is the closest you’ll ever get to being the main character in an action movie, and that movie is probably TRON. Running, dodging lasers, realising you’re in love with your best mate. Not only will you have added endurance, but the lasers will also fondly remind you of previous times you’ve been on MD at decent gigs. It’s just the right amount of stimulation. Your aim is perfect and resistance is futile. The only downside is having to walk past children and being confronted with the sobering fact that you might have an addiction.
Worst: Public Swimming Pool
Your mate suggested a cheeky Moana Pool visit and you thought it would be chat to go down the hydroslide. Suddenly, you’re surrounded by water that is looking more and more bacterial. Your pupils are already huge, only to be magnified by swimming goggles. Why is it warm in this area? Is that my lecturer? Am I even wearing togs? Why is this kid asking me where their mum is? Why does it hurt to pee after getting out of the pools? You’re too hot. You’re in a confined space. You have to wait in a queue and everyone is looking at you. Avoid at all costs.
Acid
Best: The Botans
Sun’s out, flowers are blooming, and there is still so much of the beautiful gardens to be discovered. Little worlds exist around every corner, each ready to be explored with childish wonder. Where will you go today? Perhaps to the Cedars of Lebanon Grove to admire the strong trees? Or maybe the Rhododendron Dell to look at the pretty flowers, which may or may not be moving. The world is your oyster, and you are the shining pearl, at least for the next eight hours. And after a long easy day of tripping, Gardens New World is just right across the corner for a blue Powerade and some snacks.
Worst: Also the Botans
Pigeons, children, and the occasional talking bird – need we say more? Being around children when on any sort of drug is always the worst (see MD at Megazone, Moana Pool). It confronts you with the grim fact that the sweet children you see will either a) become you or b) nark on you later on in life. Either way it's not looking good. The talking bird, Syd, is charming when sober but absolutely horrifying and depressing when on acid. The bars around his enclosure will quickly become bars around your headspace, bro, you gotta free your mind. And free the birds, while you’re at it. This is exactly the pattern of thought that will get you arrested.
Shrooms
Best: Ross Creek and Glow Worm Caves
Spend a late arvo walking out to the Inverleith area. Take your shrooms and enjoy a brisk walk out to the Ross Creek waterfall surrounded by the beautiful Dunedin landscape. Bask in the sunset at the park, run around with your mates, enjoy your one precious life. Once the sun sets, head up to the glow worm caves (sober friend highly recommended) and be absolutely shook by the fact that nature produces its own little glow in the dark stars, as bright as your future once was.
Worst: Stuck in the Richardson Elevators
Without a shred of doubt, the worst place to be on any psychedelic is a confined, corporate space. And there are none worse than the Richardson elevators, because this confined, corporate space is also suspended by a cable from the ground. Not chill or buzzy. The constant packing and unpacking of people into these small spaces is also seriously concerning. If that elevator got stuck, and you were trapped in there with several overworked law students, a full recovery is unlikely. You may get stuck with the Geography kids, though, and that’s not too bad. There’s about a 5% chance that they’ll be on shrooms at any given time, too.
Vape
Best: Central Library
Every time there is someone vaping in Central Library, an overwhelming sense of comradery washes through the building. Lucille Bluth’s “good for her,” line rings throughout the collective subconscious. There’s something so beautifully rebellious and also still studious about not even walking away from the desk for two minutes to have a cheeky hoon. Added benefits include the library smelling like something other than breath sweat for at least the next two mintes.
Worst: Pint Night
Pint night is especially dirty for vaping because there is no outside area. If you leave you aren’t getting back in easily. This leaves students no other choice than to vape inside and then promptly get kicked out by the bouncers for doing exactly that. One student even got kicked out for vaping when they’ve never even had a hoon in their life. But with no true student bars in Dunedin, this is what we get. Dropping a vape here is likely as well, and recovery of said vape is not easy. If you’ve ever embarked on the long, convoluted treasure hunt to OUSA lost property or the bar staff to retrieve a lost vape, you deserve an award.
Meth
Best: Your Kitchen
Nothing says “speed” like a kitchen line. You’re about to crank out the best goddamn tacos the world has ever seen, just watch. You’re gonna slice those veggies like Gordon Fucking Ramsay. Cooking and cleaning haven’t gone so hard since the first human lit a campfire. Kitchen counters? Spotless. Fridge? Organised. Floor? Clean enough to eat off. Meth and kitchens have an illustrious history, and there is no place more deserving of your newly-unlimited energy.
Worst: Dunedin Police Station
Not only have you been tweaking for the last few hours but also your mug shot isn’t cute, and you have a court date coming up. The bright fluorescent lights in combination with the fact you’re coming off of meth is giving you the worst feeling of your life. It wasn’t even that worth it in the first place, and the cops didn’t even TRY your tacos.
Ket
Best: At the Races
Why should the horses be the only ones getting drugged up on race day? They already get the fun of competing in the events, while us humans have to watch them. Show solidarity for your favourite horse by doing ket with them. Watch your step though because if you break an ankle there’s a slight chance you’re going to the glue factory as well.
Worst: The Post Office
The post office is the most normal place in the entire world. Ket is the least normal thing. Similar to antimatter and matter, such polar opposites should never go together. There is also a chance that introducing them will lead to their mutual annihilation, and while Dunedin can make do without you, we really can’t afford to lose a post office. The only thing worse than fighting for your life in a k-hole would be fighting for your life in a k-hole in a post office.
Nangs
Best: Kick Ons at a flat
The night was successful, and everyone goes back to one flat when done with partying for the night but not ready to sleep. Then, the best person you know brings out the nangs and balloons that may or may not have been used already, but you don’t care. You’re just happy to be there. Chill music bumpin’, the whomp whomp feeling hitting, not a care in the world, life is good.
Worst: OUSA sauna
This is just the worst place for many reasons. Not only are you already lightheaded and sweaty from the extreme heat but you risk the chance of the other hippies in the sauna bumming nangs from you. Why should you give them up when you were the one who made the mission to a North East Valley dairy to get the treasured metal nectar? The extreme cold from cracking a nang paired with the metal heating up from sauna temperatures is also probably dangerous in some way or another.