After the Easter break, Castle Street residents have quickly slipped back into the routine of getting drunk and doing drugs to escape the cold, damp reality that is flatting in Dunedin. This routine is broken only by the odd assignment or, in some cases, if it’s time to go for a wave. It’s a well-known fact that most Castle Street residents don’t venture far from the street’s warm, safe environment, only really leaving the street to get cash out or get a feed.
As not much was happening on Castle Street, I decided to venture to a neighbouring street to see what happens in their ‘hood. After the rip-roaring failure of the Leith Street keg party, I didn’t hold high hopes for a street where everyone parks their cars to stop them being destroyed on Castle Street. My instinct was quickly proved correct; to cement the fact that Leith Street is definitely up to fuck all, there are unconfirmed rumours that one flat is having a Kronic vending machine installed this week. This news was enough to turn me back and I abandoned the adventure for this week anyway.
Drama has been caused by Mrs Wong (the dairy owner) as over Easter she not only got a new haircut but she also got new prices. She has upped the price of a can of Coke from $1.90 to $2.00, her reasons for the price increase seem somewhat confused because when questioned she said it was because the price of petrol had gone up?! Other exciting news is that a very special someone now has a job. He’d been avoiding employment like Osama avoided Obama but, like Osama, eventually he was cornered and he didn’t have his wife to use as a human shield.
The frequency of people calling the SPCA is becoming disturbingly high; most pets on Castle Street are well looked after with the pets eating the same as or better than the flat that looks after them. This is not what SPCA thinks, being rumoured to have said to one pet owner that “I’m gonna stick to you like herpes”. We would rather herpes (the gift that keeps on giving) stays in South D as any sexually transmitted disease would spread like a fresher’s waistline in North Dunedin.
Now that the Royal Wedding has been and gone, we really don’t have much else to look forward to this year. All we can do is fantasise about Kate’s sister and continue to bitch about how much sweeter Castle would be if Gardies was still here. Keep it real.
Chronicles of Castle - 10
