News

The alleged uncovering of a nefarious alliance between the Otago Polytechnic and the Otago Daily Times (ODT) has triggered a ridiculous article in the student magazine Critic.

Whilst browsing the ODT website to find filler news for the “Briefs” section of the magazine, Critic noticed that the ODT had changed the layout of its “Campus” section to separate Polytech news from University news, outrageously placing the Polytech news tab above that of the University’s. Critic, cognisant of the large gap needing to be filled on page 15, took the proverbial ball and ran with it.
 
Sources Critic doesn’t trust in the slightest speculated that this slight against the University was merely the first salvo in a planned barrage of minor annoyances that wouldn’t be noticed by pretty much anyone other than bored Critic staff. Others equally uninformed speculated that the Polytech was out for blood over the dropping of the ‘Bill’ part of the Bill Robertson library it doesn’t own and has no control over.
 
The ODT was not contacted for comment, but if they had been we imagine they probably wouldn’t have replied due to the lack of sheep-related content in this story.
 
Along with the fall in the QS rankings, this journalistic slap on the tit may signal the end for the University. Pundits told Critic that there is simply no coming back from this sort of thing, and predicted that the Uni would soon be out on the streets in fishnets and stilettos turning tricks for truckers to put food on the table.
 
Meanwhile the Polytech is rumoured to be rubbing its webbed hands in glee, after masterminding the ODT Campus section coup. Cretins who gabbled to Critic in subhuman voices claimed that the Polytech had paid the ODT seven magic beans to grab the coveted top spot on the marginal page of the marginal publication’s websites.
 
We liked these random mutterings so much that we included them in this pathetic excuse for a story, despite being very aware that there was no way the Polytech could possible afford that kind of price; they don’t even have their own library, for God’s sake.