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In our last meeting of the year, the Proctor was very keen to “blow Campus Watch’s trumpet.” We were a bit taken back by this statement, but really what consenting adults get up to in their own time is none of our business.

And Otago’s finest have been protecting the student community with the vigilance of Batman recently, with the common theme of their activity being to “sit on the baddie” until the real police arrive. Their first claim to fame came when they stumbled across a veritable gang-bang of assaults involving a group of evil non-students attacking some poor defenceless students. Fearing for the future leaders of our country, Campus Watch went outside the mandate of their name and actually jumped into the fray. Critic’s imagination conjured up visions of a large pile of human bodies littered across Great King St, with the survivors regrouping in McDonald’s for a celebratory Big Mac afterwards. Apparently it wasn’t quite that awesome though.
 
Campus Watch’s second apprehension in recent times was that of a suspicious man on Hyde St, apparently a known burglar. After getting reports from students about the man in question, the lads in blue and gold followed the guy, and then sat on him until the police arrived. Critic suspects the villain will be easily identifiable from now on as he will be the only human alive in 2D; with the size of most of the Campus Watch, he is probably lucky to be alive, to be honest.
 
To combat such burglars, any students leaving stuff in their flat over summer can sign up for Campus Watch to check in on it over the holidays. The forms will be online shortly, but are available from the Proctor’s office in the meantime, so while you’re in there seeing him about the duck you pissed on, pick one up. They are planning to take “all care and no responsibility” with the checks, which is better than no one checking at all. Coming back in February to find that Speedy has claimed your favourite puffer for a sleeping bag would be a downer, we imagine.
 
In signing off for the year, the Proctor also had a few choice things to say about flat initiations. Apparently they’re dangerous to both your health and your future, and if you end up in the cells after drinking a bottle of spirits, you might just find that you’ve irreparably damaged one, or both, of these things. However the Proctor says he can understand running around the Richardson Building in a mankini, so maybe take that up as an idea for exam time stress relief instead.