For Fuck's Sake | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013

3pm: I selected you from all the specials at New World because my math told me you had the highest standard drink-to-dollar ratio (thanks, NCEA Level One), and it was only polite to ensure that I got the most bang for John Key’s buck. I don’t need to take wine-tasting classes from OUSA to know that Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013

I mostly own a cellphone so that I can play Temple Run in class. (I dare you to beat my high score – I. Fucking. Dare. You.) However, I used to be one of those disgusting pre-teens who measured their self-worth based on how many text messages I could send each month. Nothing made me happier than Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013

I have two assignments due tomorrow, so naturally I decided to write my column instead. Ha! Fuck you, university. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And the rest of us say FUCK OFF and watch videos of sloths online. I watched one today that had baby sloths getting shaved, lathered in Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time at 4am, I was in McDonald’s for some late-night chicken nugs and I saw a girl pee her pants. I literally had lingering eye contact with this chick as urine ran down her leg, and then I helpfully pointed to the puddle at her feet and told her that she had Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013

We all do weird shit during exam time. If your study regime includes eating copious amounts of tuna and drinking five triple-shot long blacks per day, by all means, continue. If you spend this week’s grocery money on pens from Smiggle because frankly Bic biros are balls, I understand this too. We Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013

Lectures can be pretty dicey – they force a room full of strangers to tolerate each other for hours at a time. Some of us are happy, most of us are pissed off. Some of us are actually listening to what the lecturer says, most of us are doing more important things (like sleeping). The potential for Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013

#1. The issue with snacks in the library is that the sound of other people eating is one of the most aggravating noises in the world. The sound of crinkling wrappers or an apple crunching stirs a very dark rage in the core of my being. But snacktime is also the best meal ever invented (apart from Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 06

Posted 4:40pm Sunday 7th April 2013

This week I’m going to try to help some of you poor ignorant wretches out there who are embarrassing themselves on Facebook. We are young students, frequently engaging in shenanigans and debauchery, often vomiting in public places and having awkward sexual experiences – our lives are pretty Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 05

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 24th March 2013

Mark Wahlberg once made an awful movie about Earth taking revenge on humanity because it was pissed off about global warming. So, every time a special wind blew, people everywhere compulsively committed suicide. I’m reminded of that movie whenever I see a Public Display of Affection, because the Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 04

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 17th March 2013

The first few weeks in a new flat are the absolute best: there’s nothing like a month of endless pillow fort-making, Game of Thrones marathons and flat trips to the Satay Noodle House to give you that warm fuzzy feeling of general happiness and optimism (“Yeah! We are going to do the dishes after Read more...