Rheineck Lager Is A Goddamn Scam

Posted 3:18pm Thursday 1st November 2018

Here's the thing about Rheineck: Every week I stroll past the beer section and see an enticing $14.99 for a 12 pack. ‘Gee, what a great deal’ I think to myself. I’m ashamed to admit the number of times I’ve picked up a box and taken it home, only to realise my Read more...

Famous Grouse Is Pure Fucking Gasoline

Posted 3:15pm Thursday 1st November 2018

Famous Grouse fucking hurts. It burns with the fury of a thousand young Nats after Winston went with the red team.  It’s a vile liquid that could only come from the sort of country that takes pride in eating haggis, playing the bagpipes and throwing big fuck off logs as far as Read more...

Woodstock Is the Biggest Bitch Drink in New Zealand

Posted 11:30am Wednesday 10th October 2018

Woodstock a sickly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock Read more...

People Who Willingly Drink Bavaria 8.6 Are Psychopaths

Posted 11:19am Wednesday 10th October 2018

The Bavaria 8.6er is beer flavoured paint stripper in a convenient 440ml can. I'm 86% sure I once saw Bear Grylls use this to start a fire on Man vs Wild. The fiery lick of this "beer" hurts more than the idea of a left wing government hurts Mike Hoskings feelings. I’d rather Read more...

New Zealand Lager Is the Most Influential Beer in This Nation’s History

Posted 10:47pm Thursday 4th October 2018

New Zealand Lager is a triumph. Brewing in this country has a long and rocky history, with a lot of bad beers and a lot of good beers. But none has been greater than this delectable drop. Fun Fact: the country ‘New Zealand’ actually derives its name from New Zealand Lager, because it is Read more...

White Rhino is the Best New Drink of 2018

Posted 5:38pm Thursday 27th September 2018

White Rhino, just like white people, is absolutely all over North Dunedin these days.  These tins, with the simplest graphic design imaginable, and an even simpler recipe, have taken the student quarter by storm. Nothing has got the people of North D this enraptured since, well, last week Read more...

Honey Badger Southern State Moonshine Is Genuinely Going To Kill Someone

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 20th September 2018

Honey Badger Southern State Moonshine is genuinely going to kill someone. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but someone’s gonna fucking die. It’s absurdly cheap, at $8.99 for a bottle with 6.9 standards – pretty much as good as you can get in the world of Read more...

Even The People Who Make Ranfurly Draught Don't Like Ranfurly Draught

Posted 4:04pm Thursday 13th September 2018

Ranfurly Draught is an absolute nothing beer. It’s uninspired, lazy, and boring. It has no distinctive flavour or aroma. Even the people who make it don’t like it.  It’s a New Zealand draught-style lager, which means it’s brown and has no hops. It’s one of a Read more...

Lion Red Is New Zealand’s Most Generic Beer

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 6th September 2018

As a man of the South, I had never even seen Lion Red for sale before, so when I was supplied a box to taste test, my tribalism naturally wanted me to hate it. I was ready to yell about JAFAs and traffic and everything else that’s wrong with Auckland, like a good hillbilly should. But as I Read more...

Shot Buckets Are the Worst Deal Imaginable

Posted 7:36pm Thursday 30th August 2018

Holy fuck I made a huge mistake. I lay myself at your feet and beg your forgiveness. I have sinned. I have completely disregarded the holy rule of Dollars Per Standard.  I was kinda fucked up by the time I made my way to the liquor store, so naturally my purchasing choices were very stupid Read more...