The Great Critic Pub Crawl

Posted 5:22pm Thursday 16th August 2018

Three of our intrepid reporters went on a walk from Central Library to the Octagon. They came back five hours later, about $80 poorer, and much drunker.   Ombrellos This place is delightful and wholesome, like my kindergarten or my grandparents’ sex life. The main bar was closed Read more...

Drinking Vodka Cruiser Ice Screams Small Dick Energy

Posted 4:43pm Thursday 16th August 2018

Vodka Cruiser Ice is the tipping point of mediocrity. Bringing a four-pack of these bad boys to a party screams small dick energy, but you know what? Really owning your small dick energy, is kind of big dick energy. Or rounds it up to 5 inches at least. It’s like the lemonade you buy from a Read more...

Lewis Road Creamery Chocolate Cream Liqueur Is A Sexy, Sweet & Succulent Treat

Posted 4:49pm Thursday 9th August 2018

Booze and milky fluids don’t typically go together at the same time – rather, they’re typically separated by a few hours when you’re deep-throating your flatmate’s cousin in the backseat of his Nissan Sentra. Creamy, chocolaty, and a smooth 17%, Lewis Road Creamery Read more...

Little Fat Lamb Ginger Beer Tastes Like A Bitch Slap From Hell

Posted 6:57pm Thursday 2nd August 2018

Little Fat Lamb has personally victimised more residents of North Dunedin than the cold, Health Science, and a drunk Caitlin Barlow-Groome combined. I opted for the classic ginger beer, a sour, vinegary-sweet concoction that would probably taste better if it still had a dead snail in it (shoutout Read more...

Tsingtao is Fucking Awful. There, I Said It.

Posted 6:21pm Thursday 26th July 2018

Tsingtao is an absurdly popular and massively selling beer. It’s the pride of the Chinese export market, and beloved by expats and fans around the world.  I have no idea why, because it’s fucking awful.  When I was 17 I went to Hong Kong and got really excited because I Read more...

Scrumpy Is an Arsehole of a Drink

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 19th July 2018

Scrumpy is an arsehole of a drink. It’s the fake friend who pretends to be your mate, and then talks shit about you to all of your friends and family (I’m talking about you, Steve). It’s labelled sweet, but it’s as sour as my ex that one time I took her to Macca’s on Read more...

If You See A Mate Drinking Atlas Super Strong 12%, Call The Poison Hotline

Posted 5:20pm Thursday 12th July 2018

Genuinely, my first reaction was a full-body shudder. I put on White Snake’s “Here I Go Again” as motivation to get me through it. It didn’t help. By far the best part of this beer is the cool picture of Atlas holding up a very inaccurate globe. In a real game changer for Read more...

Nitro Is Not Safe For Human Consumption

Posted 9:44pm Thursday 5th July 2018

Nitro is a kick up the arse from a big, heavy boot made of pure methamphetamine. The fact that this drink even exists is evidence enough that the human race is destined to destroy itself.  Let’s break it down. At its core, Nitro is a fairly simple cocktail of vodka and orange soda Read more...

Kingfisher Premium Lager is a Sneaky Bastard

Posted 7:50pm Thursday 24th May 2018

Every week I’m tempted by the same tantalising offer. This sultry temptress is not that hot fresher at 10 Bar, but instead twelve 5% beers for $22. I am of course talking about Kingfisher Premium Lager. This beer created in India is cheap, easy to drink, and much like its slogan (“The Read more...

Dunedin’s Cheapest Alcohol: An Investigative Investigation

Posted 6:00pm Thursday 17th May 2018

Life on the student allowance is a constant struggle to balance those optional extras, like rent and food, with the essentials, like caffeine and alcohol. The ultimate goal in life is to get fucked up without fucking up your finances. You want to drink to forget your money troubles, not create new Read more...