How to Pretend you know E-Sports

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 17th September 2020

As American Baseball All-Star Sean Doolittle said, “sports are like the reward of a functioning society”. We recognise the trials of athletes as an achievement for life being normal. Unfortunately, life is not normal right now. Now that traditional sports are no longer as massive as they Read more...

How to Pretend You Know Basketball

Posted 8:14pm Thursday 13th August 2020

If an all-powerful alien entity approached Earth, and in a moment of mercy they allow us a chance to earn our intergalactic freedom via a game of our choice, that choice would undoubtedly be basketball. They’ve even made a fucking film about it, Space Jam, starring real aliens and the single Read more...

How to Pretend you know Rugby

Posted 8:37pm Thursday 30th July 2020

When I was a wee lad, we would jump in the car, head out to Grandad’s and watch rugby on his big telly. It was legendary. Yelling, jumping, Bluebird chips; from a young age I was hooked on the culture of this bizarre sport. As I got to uni, and started attending the Zoo (rest in paradise, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Free-B's

Posted 9:56pm Thursday 2nd July 2020

Victorian Bitters, a classic Australian beer. Sitting at around $13 for a 6 pack, you definitely get your money’s worth. However, are VB’s actually a pleasurable beer to drink? Yes and no. If you are a 20-year-old skater or middle aged Australian man, then you’d probably say that Read more...

1 Summer, 100 Wanks

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 5th March 2020

"Fuck, you are so tight," said my client as he lay face down on the massage table. He was trying to stick a finger into my butthole. It took all my might not to burst out laughing. I thought to myself ‘…does this man think he is touching my vagina right now? Does he seriously Read more...

The Hell Hole | Worm

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 24th September 2017

There was a tiny dot on the end of my nose; a single pore with a pinprick of yellow gunk. I scratched it, then, when it didn’t move, I squeezed it. A tiny tiny worm arced out and plonked its weeny yellow head onto the skin on my nose. A teeny pore-worm. Nice. The worm was wriggling. It Read more...

Science Tank | Cold Readers: The First Circle of Hell

Posted 1:00pm Sunday 13th August 2017

It was 2010 and my father had passed away earlier that year. My usual logic blinded by grief, I did what any standard mourner would do and booked an appointment to see a medium. Walking into her home-cum-spiritual lair, I immediately noticed the tacky abundance of quartz crystals (when will people Read more...