Return to Level 2 Celebrated By Exploited Hospo Workers

Posted 4:13pm Sunday 12th September 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A return to Alert Level 2 is being welcomed by Dunedin’s exploited hospitality workers, who say they are looking forward to being overworked, underpaid and under-appreciated yet again.  Local bartender Timothy told the Critical Tribune: “It was real weird sitting at home. Like, I Read more...

Student Excited To Stop Hiding True Self From Parents After Holidays

Posted 4:44pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Many students dread the end of the uni holidays, but for Otago dentistry student Paul Zhang, it cannot come soon enough.  A fortnight of trying to suppress his newfound work-hard, play-hard attitude and his increasingly liberal sociopolitical attitudes from those he grew up with has really Read more...

Touching! “Evil” Landlord Donates Generously To Charity, Proves Naysayers Wrong

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Who says landlords are pure evil? While some of our more extremist writers like to push this sensationalist, one-sided argument, in the pursuit of fairness and balance, the Tribune can EXCLUSIVELY reveal a landlord branded as “evil” and “fraudulent” actually has a real heart Read more...

Amazing! Child of Real-Life Medical Doctor Is Doing Health Sci

Posted 8:26pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The rumours are true. A Critical Tribune investigation has found that the child of an actual, actively practicing medical doctor is doing health sci at Otago this year.  The child, which the Tribune has chosen not to name in order to preserve their privacy, said that until recently, she had Read more...

Acting Vice-Chancellor Cancels Uni’s Moth Protection, Moths Eat Everything

Posted 12:57am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The University Senate last week voted to drop the Uni’s moth protection plan. In the days since, moths have wreaked havoc across campus. “The University has been held hostage by Big Moth for too long,” said the new Vice-Chancellor. “As part of this new regime of financial Read more...

Eating Beef Good for the Environment, According to Beef Farmers

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet. “Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for Read more...

Optimistic Student Clicks ‘Going’ To Hyde Street Before Ticket Release

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Displaying optimism that borders on audacity, Jessica shocked her friends and the broader Dunedin community by clicking ‘Going’ to the Hyde Street Facebook event on the Tuesday that the party was announced.  “Unbelievable. It’s just rude,” said another hopeful Read more...

Infant Reincarnated From Dead Breatha, Charged for His Student Loan

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin baby, the world’s first scientifically confirmed reincarnation, has been sent a bill from StudyLink requesting repayment of her past self’s $70,000 student loan.  In a development that rocked the scientific community, the Otago Medical School confirmed that Katie Liu, Read more...

Breatha is “Sorry” After Stern Telling-Off From Dunedin News

Posted 2:07am Wednesday 3rd March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

North Dunedin resident and self-described “fresher-fiend” Jock Hunter has been reportedly left deeply remorseful after the litter left from a party at his flat was roundly condemned by local residents on the Dunedin News page on Facebook. The crusading hordes, none of whom have actually Read more...

Uni To Open 24/7 Bars In All Student Accommodation

Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

In an attempt to prevent students from loitering on the streets at night, Vice-Chancellor Harlene Hayne has announced she will personally install 24/7 bars in all residential colleges, except St Marg’s and Carrington because they are massive nerds. Hayne claimed this move will ensure students Read more...