The rumours are true. A Critical Tribune investigation has found that the child of an actual, actively practicing medical doctor is doing health sci at Otago this year.
The child, which the Tribune has chosen not to name in order to preserve their privacy, said that until recently, she had never imagined they she ever be aiming for a career in med. “For a long time, I had always thought international diplomacy was my real passion. After all, nothing excited me more than Model UN, where I could debate geopolitical issues and make a real difference in the world.” But a gap year spent travelling around South-East Asia changed her mind: “I just saw all this grinding poverty, and all these heartbreaking injustices. And then, in the middle of Phnom Penh, it hit me: Even in the middle of the most destitute nations, the private hospitals were always fucking flash, and cars just like my dad’s, a few years older maybe, were parked outside every one. And that’s when I realised, oh hey, maybe I could give this med thing a shot.”
Despite never having done any science subjects beyond year 10, she’s quietly confident about her prospects. “Like, I’ve hung out in dad’s office heaps. And on the one day a week I can catch her before 2am, I talk to mum about work lots, so I’ve got a bit of familiarity with the inner workings of the medical system. And I’ve saved up my pocket money to get one of those private tutoring courses. They’re not cheap, but they’re an investment, like my Koru Club membership. Mum and dad helped me a bit — but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.”
At press time, rumours were spreading around campus that the child of a practising lawyer had enrolled in first-year law. These are as yet unverified.