Columns

Local man Hugh Anon, a voracious Facebook disinformer, has discovered a use for pins and yarn that doesn’t involve being homophobic or antisemitic. “It all started last year when lockdown took away my free speech,” Hugh told the Tribune, “so I took to social media to speak freely about it, but went down a rabbithole of who’s really behind everything. Soon I’ll have all of the evidence in my hands, and I’ll be able to put the pieces together on a pinboard and link them together with push pins and yarn. Just as I had definitively proved that [redacted] were connected because they made a funky shape when I strung them together something took over me, and next thing you know I’ve accidentally made a fully operational loom and am making a pair of socks.” Critic Tribune asked Hugh if he was going to start up a knitting group for all of the other quacks who had gotten into arts and crafts in this manner. “Wait, there are more of us? But… but that means it’s all connected! Oh god, have I fallen into another trap set by the elites? Where’s my yarn and pins?!” The Tribune notes that the interview cuts out at this point, due to our reporter being panic-knitted into a scarf and never seen again.