Disclaimer: All names have been removed for confidentiality. However, these are all true stories and if you notice any resemblance to your own experience, you should probably reflect on that because you’re most likely not in this book for good reasons.
First everything
I was also his first everything – not the best at sex. We had lots of mediocre sex, but one of my favourite stories is when I got a bloody nose in the middle of doggy, obviously getting it all over his cotton sheets. After attempting to wash his own laundry at the bright old age of 17, he decided the best move was to throw out the whole set.
Friend of a friend
Remind me to never hook up with anyone from the Wairarapa again. Picture it: New Year's in Wellington. Major sexual tension between this guy I’d met once before through one of my friends. Small NYE party, and I mean small. No New Year's kiss, but we did acid and then decided to go smoke in his car, just the two of us. Obviously, one thing led to another and we had steamy (uncomfortable) sex in his tiny shitbox of a car. I think I got massive bruises all over my legs from bumping them into various parts of his car. To make things worse, my high school ex was texting me the whole time for the first time since we broke up. Aftercare consisted of sleeping on his mate's couch together. Keep in mind, this guy was way too tall to be partaking in either of these experiences. All in all, a flop of a night with unmemorable sex but memorable pain from the discomfort of his car and the couch we slept on. At least he drove me home in the morning, and even bought me Maccas!
No longer bi-curious
We already knew each other before hooking up, but the flirting in Welly town got a bit too intense. She gave me head in the bathroom of some club, and as soon as we left I bumped into my high school ex’s sister (love her) so drunk me obviously had to tell her about my wild night so far. But that was only the beginning. She came back to mine, we had sex, and she even blindfolded me while she gave me head again. We tried a couple of different positions, and she told me I was the best girl she’d had sex with. Honestly, keep the compliments coming, everyone. Overall, a very insightful experience and helped me answer some very pressing questions I had about myself.
1st love <3
Only guy so far to make me cum! Don’t worry, there’s a total of one other guy who achieved this coming up. Lots (and I mean lots) of good sex, but possibly the best was after I gave him head on top of the Wellington boat sheds. He had booked a hotel in Wellington to see me, so of course we had crazy drunk hotel sex. A close second would have to be this random night (I think we were high?) where the sex was just amazing and I came all over his sheets (sorry Knox washing machines). No bad experiences, other than the second night in a row of meeting him and rapping Rap God by Eminem to him, followed by (still pretty good) sex.
Please stop DJ-ing for me.
The sex itself? Great. Hanging out as friends? Mediocre. Okay, so this guy lived up to his last name (have fun guessing). Definitely up there for the biggest dick I’d seen. And the sex was amazing. Unfortunately, hanging out with him dropped him down a point. Every time (and I mean every time) we hang out at his he’ll DJ for me. Not ideal. He even said he could teach me. No thanks.