Welcome back, everyone! I hope you’ve all had a very well earned and restful semester break. It’s been a bit of a ghost town in Dunedin with most people taking advantage of the break to ditch the frosty flats and either hit the ski slopes or your parents’ pantries and power bills. While you’ve been gone, Critic has been scheming juicy new content ideas for your reading pleasure – and procrastination.
This semester, I’ll be making good on the promise (or threat, depending on how you look at it) I made in the first issue’s editorial of scrapping the Moaningful Confessions column. I explained how the column had been going downhill for a while behind the scenes, both suffering from a lack of submissions and a general lack of taste. Without a good alternative to fill the hole it would have left in the magazine last semester, it clung on for dear life, propped up by one or two stories from a particularly open friend of mine that were written after much nagging.
What could ever replace it? Where else will you get your fix of voyeurism-based entertainment? I’m so glad you asked. As I said, while you lot have been away and Critic’s stands have lay dormant, we took advantage of the quiet to meticulously plan a new column. Back for its second season (the first running in 2020) the team at Critic Te Ārohi brings you: Critic Bachelor.
We’ve been searching for the perfect bachelor candidate all year, and Joel Tebbs is the ideal man for the job: charismatic, enthusiastic, and a true adventurer. After one meeting with him I was sure he’d have lads and ladies falling over each other for the chance to win his hand. While the first Critic bachelor seemed to be a reluctant one, Joel genuinely seems open to the possibility of finding someone – a rare trait among students. In response to my question over $4 lunch: “Are you looking for love?” he immediately replied, “Yeah!”
Donning our reality TV producer caps, Evie and I have made the most of our downtime to scheme twists and turns that’ll be sure to keep you entertained. There’s even a spreadsheet. Inspired by everyone’s favourite guilty pleasure show, Love Island, keep an eye out on our socials (@criticmag) for updates and opportunities to shape the competition. Everyone loves to click a button, and you’ll be able to cast votes (wow I sound like Ian Sterling) and contribute ideas as the competition progresses.
Generally, the column will run much like a TV series. Think of each column as an “episode”, as Joel will go on a series of group and single dates, with singles being knocked out of the competition one by one as he searches for “the one”. In a town where sleeping with a stranger is more common than going on a coffee date, I’m genuinely hopeful that love blossoms during the show. Wouldn’t that be nice?
You can find the first column of the Critic Bachelor at the back of this issue, where the lovely Hanna Varrs – budding columnist and Hypocriticals band frontwoman – has written a profile on him, with the invitation to apply to be a single if he sounds like the man of your dreams.