Age: 21 (turning 22 soon!)
Occupation: DeliveryEasy Carbon Accountant
Star sign: Leo (swoon)
Degree: BSc in Energy Management, BCom in Finance
Celebrity Crush: “I lowkey don’t have one.” That’s a green flag, if we’ve ever heard one
His friends describe him as: Adventurous, extroverted, and cares about people
Last STI check: The start of this year (“Nothing to be worried about!”)
Sexuality: Bisexual (“Gonna turn up the heat!” – in a camp way)
Favourite sex position: Missionary, but always ready to explore in and out of the bedroom ;)
Joel Tebbs is your 2024 Critic Bachelor. This multi-talented, 5'11”-and-a-half hunk of a man will be going on a series of group and single dates over the coming issues, whittling down eight singles to find his one true love. In his quest, Joel’s looking for somebody with a great sense of humour, confidence in themselves, and passion for fitness (gym buddy anyone?). Does this sound like you or a single friend you wanna chuck under the love-bus? Applying is as easy as staring into his big brown eyes. Read on to find out how!
It was a little hard for Critic Te Ārohi to pin Joel down for an interview – we struggled to find a time to suit. Was he playing hard to get? Was he already horrendously emotionally unavailable? Fears were soothed when he revealed that he’d actually been out of cell service, on a hike. It’s a well-known fact that a man unattached to his phone and unphased due to lack of service gets a good 15% hotter. I was intrigued. We settled for a Zoom call for our initial interview.
Even through the pixelation and shitty audio, Joel’s charm shone through. He has a great smile, one that makes you feel like you’ve said something witty. There’s a rustic look about him, perhaps reflective of his outdoorsy nature – he looks capable, and like someone you’d really want on your side in a zombie apocalypse. Joel’s the treasurer of both the Otago Tramping Club and Investing Club, proving he’s got the brains to go with his brawn. He’s even got a big-boy job with DeliverEasy as a carbon accountant, showing off his ability to make use of his degree despite still being at university. This man’s going places!
Running his hand through his perfectly tousled, curly brown hair, we began to talk business. Asked what he thinks makes him attractive, he said that he’s been referred to as a “go-getter”. “I’m willing to put myself out there, try new things, and enjoy them.” His ideal first date would be a classic dinner, followed by a cheeky trip to the beach. If you’re lucky enough to make it past the first date, Joel said camping would make for the ideal romantic getaway. The promise of a morning brew sweetened the deal, owing to his step-brothers having gifted him a portable coffee machine due to a crippling caffeine addiction.
Having a sudden lightbulb moment, Joel circled back to what he wants in a partner. “Someone I can go to the sauna with. People from all walks of life go there. I’ve made two lifelong friends from the sauna.” Honestly, if I had to describe what dating Joel might be like based on what he’s told me, I’d say: “Fun.”
Fair warning, there’s a few things that may make you unsuitable for our Bachelor. He admitted that he’s got a few turn-offs, including a “negative outlook on the world” and a “lack of curiosity”. Most notably, he hates gaming. “It’s a waste of time,” he said. When asked if he’d play something like Mario-Kart for pre-drinks at the flat, he shrugged and told us that he’d prefer to “sit there and chat”. Could this be a dealbreaker for our singles? Stay tuned to find out.
While Joel is admittedly “not a big consumer of reality TV”, if he had to be on a show other than The Bachelor, he reckoned he’d do alright on Love Island. He revealed that he would definitely “lean into the drama” and would really play to the audience. He smiled cheekily: “You’re on reality TV for a reason, right?” He’s got a playfulness about him.
But unlike the singles of Love Island, Joel doesn’t have any specific “type” that he usually goes for. This is reflected in his lack of a celebrity crush; it’s just not on brand for him. “I just feel like narrowing it down to a type isn’t that productive. I haven’t had a huge amount of long-term relationships, but none of them fit into one particular type.” Instead, he tends to gravitate toward the type of people he feels comfortable around and feels as if he can engage in similar hobbies with.
When asked what he wants out of Critic Bachelor, he revealed that he wants “true love”, before continuing that he’s “so happy to see where this goes. I’m just happy to meet some people and would love to see a relationship out of it. It’d be such a great way to meet someone.” That’s how Joel is. You really can’t go wrong with him. Best case scenario, you stay together forever and have tons of kids. Worst case, you’ll probably have a friend for life and invite him to your wedding. He’s that sort of guy, just honestly really great.
If our Bachelor sounds like your cup of tea and you are second-year or above, apply to criticbachelor@critic.co.nz with your full name, student ID, and 100-200 words introducing yourself and why you think you should be in the running to find true love with Joel Tebbs (video submissions welcome).